Together

What a summer! What a week! Wish I had captured more of summer in my blog, but obviously (hello, last entry June 17th!), I did not. From celebrating my nephew's graduation, to Morgan becoming a teen, to an amazing swim team season, to our incredible 17 day road trip on the East Coast, to the lazy days of doing crafts and hanging with my girls - it was good.

Road Trip 2014

And this week -- Sarah's half birthday (11 and a half!), Back to School (both girls in Middle School this year!), Our 20th Anniversary, 3 job interviews (what, oh what, do I want to 'do' with my life?!), and family pictures to capture the beauty of this season of our life.

Back to School, 6th & 8th Grade

On Tuesday I broke down sobbing. I mean sobbing for over an hour.  It was a good cry. I need those every now and then.  My heart has been full this week.

25 years ago, Steven Curtis Chapman wrote a song called "I will be here" - it's been 'our' song through our dating and marriage years.  And recently, well he wrote a new love song for his wife called 'Together' -- and listening to it again moved me to sobbing tears . You can listen here:


You see, there have been some really dark days in our marriage.  Of grieving, and giving each other space to grieve in their own way, two years into our marriage when Mike's mom and sister were murdered.  To my ongoing struggle with depression, which peaked as postpartum after Sarah was born and I would cry in the morning begging him not to leave for work. We've had our spats and disagreements about needs and wants, about intimacy and finances. We've been selfish. We've definitely had our moments in the past 20 years.

But what we know now in our marriage, in our lives, that we get to share with our beautiful daughters, is JOY! Love, happiness, blessings - these words describe this season of our lives.  And I couldn't be more grateful.  How did we get to this place?

I think Steven Curtis Chapman captures it in this song.

And if it wasn’t for God’s mercy and His grace
There’s no way we would be standing in this place
But because He has been faithful
Every step along the way
Here we are together

It's because God has been faithful, because He has shown us mercy and grace, that we have healed, we have worked through our deepest darkest days and our selfishness.  It's because of Him that we are in this beautiful season of joy...together!  

And for all the days yet to come, whether they bring more joy or more pain, we are thankful that we share it...together.

20 Years!! 

Acadia National Park, Maine (20th Anniversary Getaway)

ps -  if you need some encouragement, I have absolutely LOVED Steven Curtis Chapman's newest album, Glorious Unfolding.  His songs are authentic, real, yet full of hope and beauty. You won't be disappointed if you download it. 

Behind the Scenes

There's this fun little Tuesday link-up over at www.crystalstine.me that I've been wanting to join all summer, and while I'm a day late even today (we were traveling yesterday), I'm finally joining in.

Here's the linkup: Social media and online relationships can make us feel like everyone else has it all together. We're edited, proof-read, Pinterest-perfect versions of ourselves  (or so some might think!) when - in reality? There is an unfinished pile of laundry around the corner. That cute toddler smiling for the camera just had a massive meltdown seconds ago. That yummy breakfast-for-dinner you just showed us on Instagram? It's because the cat licked the chicken that was supposed to be for dinner. 

My biggest trouble is figuring out what one picture to choose. There are so many behind the scenes stories from my photos.  The stories only I know, unless I put the stories on my blog or fb page. I'm using a couple of photos today, because for me it's an entire 'behind the scenes' trip...



It started early spring, with an added line in a fb message to my SIL - 'sure going to miss seeing you this summer' -- and ended with a trip planned to Cedar Point with both my husband's brothers who live in WI and MA, then it happens a cousin is heading north from FL to NY, and another cousin from NY decides to join the fun too...we are ready to revisit the place of our childhood fun memories ... Cedar Point!!

And while we did have a good time, it wasn't the ideal trip we had imagined. And I guess most trips usually aren't, but this one had some biggies.  Like 3 days before our trip, my SIL's sister lost her long, brave battle with cancer. Our hearts still ache for them and their loss. And we really missed them being with us on the trip.

Then my other SIL and niece got sick on the trip out. Vomiting sick. Thankfully, a cabin was open, so they were able to be in a/c with a bathroom instead of 90 degree tent weather. They even attempted a few hours at Cedar Point, but it ended with my niece getting sick again. At least they were there to see us stuck at the top of the Gemini.

Which while I'm stuck on the top, and trying to remain calm, keep telling the kids, this will make a fun story later (thankfully it was only a 10 min stuck)...

can you tell which one of my daughters is having fun stuck at the top? 

With so many miles between us, and busy lives, we cherish these little summer get-togethers of staying connected with family and letting the cousins have growing-up-together memories.  So if anyone wants to fund a do-over vacation for us, I'd certainly take you up on that offer! :)

Then there was my 12 year olds complete melt-down.  It started with 1.5 hour long wait, in the sun, to ride the Gateway, and just went downhill from there. Oh I was mad. I was yelling at her about her attitude. Threatening anything I could think of. I believe I was even stomping my feet walking. Ugh. Why does she have to ruin this day with her attitude? (As if my attitude is helping!)  Even her dad told her she was on her last straw and she would go back to the campground if she didn't change her attitude.  I'm happy to report, she did change and had a fun day after that, but oh, that half-hour was NOT fun.

But talking with Mike's cousin's wife, she said something like, I'm glad to know you yell too...because I think you have it all together when I see your stuff online.  Umm, no. I don't. I yell more than I want as a mom. I say the wrong things. I get sucked into their tantrums. And yes, as I'm discovering, even 12 year olds have tantrums. :)

Okay, even 39 year olds have melt-downs (like when I called my sister, trying not to cry because I had both phones, all the drinks, money...and was completely separated from Mike who had 5 kids by himself...and I could not find him anywhere and had no idea where to even look!).

But my conversation with her reminded me, that yes, sometimes it is important to share the behind-the-scenes of our beautiful, yet not-so-perfect lives!

And again, I'm reminded, that there is beauty, and happiness mingled with all of the not-so-good, and its those sweet times of laughing, connecting, togetherness that I will choose to remember... so thankful for family. always.

This always-smiling girl, made my heart smile a lot this day.
"I can see why it would be easy to spit from up here." ;) 

Our TOP 10 Cruise Memories

Since we were celebrating Sarah's 10th birthday, here's our Top 10 memories from our cruise. (We took a 4 day cruise from New Orleans, down to Cozumel, and back.)

note: the girls did these separate, but I think it's cute how they both had the exact same top 4. :) 

SARAH
1. Swimming with dolphins
2. Snorkeling
3. Ice Cream
4. Swimming
5. Circle C (camp carnival)
6. Shopping
7. The towel animal making
8. The bunk beds
9. RELAXING
10. Spending time with family

MORGAN
1. Swimming with dolphins
2. Snorkeling
3. Ice Cream
4. Swimming in the pool (water slide).
5. Sunrise
6. Bunk beds
7. Warm weather
8. $10 Store
9. Towel animals :)
10. Camp Carnival

MIKE
1. Swimming with dolphins
2. Being on a big boat
3. Seeing how many ice creams the girls could eat in a day and trying to keep up
*yes - he still owes me '7 more' to complete his list! :) 

ME
(I think I scribbled a hundred memories on my paper in the car, but I'll try and condense it to a top 10)
1. Being able to interact with such a sweet animal, Louis, our dolphin friend.
2. Watching the joy on my girl's faces as they interacted with the dolphin.
3. Chankanaab National Park where we got to snorkel for the first time (I'm in love!).
4. Laying in the hammock and looking up at the palm trees while soaking up some sunshine on the white sandy beach and being mesmerized by how blue the water was in Cozumel. Our time in Cozumel was much too short! 
5. My girls gasp when they got their first glance at the ocean when we woke up the first morning on the ship
6. Eating ice cream cones at sunrise one morning.
7. Winning the door decorating contest for St. Patrick's Day (and Sarah getting champagne on stage for it)
8. Trying new foods. Mike, Morgan and I actually tried the alligator fritters!
9. The towel animals -- finding them in our room each night, girls learning to make. (side note: last night when we went to bed at home, we found towel animals on our pillows!) 
10. Getting off the boat at the end, Sarah's first words are, "I couldn't of asked for a better 10th birthday!!"

Swimming with a Dolphin

This journey of a 1000+ miles began with a single double-digit birthday wish: to swim with dolphins!

So... we boarded the boat in New Orleans and set sail for Cozumel...where we got to hold the dolphin's fins while he swam on his back, then get pushed on a boogie board, dance, high five, hug/hold, kiss and get kissed by the dolphin.

One morning truly held a lifetime of memories!!

What a beautiful creature dolphins are! (Morgan now wants to be a marine biologist. I can't blame her.)

Here are the pics of us with Louis (whom we called St. Louis! :))

Michigan Memories

I know I posted our vacation pictures on facebook, but I just wanted to put a few on my blog - a random assortment of memories - captured in time - remembering some of the happy moments spent with family. 

Road Trip Bucket List

Stuck on the bridge for 20 minutes today trying to get back to
Missouri, had this view of the Arch! Beautiful Clouds today!  I wonder
how many times I've crossed the Mighty Mississippi in the past 16 years?! 

When I had seen this idea to do a Road Trip Bucket List at The Happy Family Movement, I immediately set out to make my own list for our next road trip.  Well we just returned from the road trip to Michigan (1300 miles roundtrip) - and this may be one of the 'funnest' times we've ever had in the car, thanks to our Bucket List!  "The List" forced us to take frequent stops and encouraged us to enjoy the journey! I'm already working on a new list for our next trip, which will include some of the same and some different ones!

So, it's a toss up, which one of these things caused the most laughter...

• Chinese Fire Drill
• Bubble Gum blowing contest
• All 4 of us going down a slide at the same time

And these were definitely the most yummy...

• Buying Ice cream
• Getting slushies

The hardest ones...

• Saying the alphabet backwards
• Thinking of A to Z memories from our trip

The ones we got the most exercise from...

• Finding a geocache
• Playing Tag at a rest area

And lastly some of the cutest pictures...

• Stopping an advertised billboard (the world's largest rocking chair!)

• Getting girls picture next to a statue (Jesse James)

• Running through a field (which happened to be at the giant cross we always drive by)

Yes, there is definitely joy in the journey, if you take time to enjoy it! 

City Museum

Here are my favorite pictures from our visit to the City Museum in St. Louis. I totally LOVED this place!! We will definitely return again and again!

Even Grandma and Grandpa got in on the climbing fun!

Crawling around near the ceiling with the world's best daddy!

Sarah, my daredevil daughter 5 stories up with her grandpa!

As long as Morgan had a solid floor under her, she loved crawling around!

Umm, this way isn't working, I'm getting stuck - what in the world am I doing  in here?  Oh yay, having the time of my life! 

Growing Up

So I've been noticing more and more things that are kinda nice about the girls growing up, for example, this week in KC:

• I haven't had to push an elevator button even once. 
• I haven't had to get ice from the hotel ice machine. 
• They willingly made me a PB sandwich each day for lunch. 
• They have held the door open for me and for strangers countless times.
• I don't have to be in the pool with them constantly. I can sit poolside and read a book while they happily splash about. 
• They can walk longer distances without me having to carry them any more. 

And yet, at the same time, looking back at our trip to KC three years ago, it's amazing how little has changed.
For this week, we've enjoyed these simple pleasures, some shared with Mike, others with just my girls and I when he was in training.  We rode escalators up and down, visited the pool too many times to count (once after dark), splashed together, played 'sea monster', went shopping, had breakfast in bed while watching cartoons, enjoyed the view from our 40th floor room, ran down 23 flights of stairs for fun, laughed together, had pillow fights, ran thru fountains, played cards and banagrams, we let mini trains deliver our dinner again, we toured Hallmark and the Money Museum and made crafts at Kaleidoscope, we explored the art museum and saw Monet's work, and we 'dressed up' to go share cheesecake from The Cheesecake Factory! I've definitely enjoyed this week hanging out in KC! And everything we did (except dining and the girls had their own 'shopping money') was free!! :)

waiting for dad to take us The Cheesecake Factory!

Sarah, "Mom, I'm getting a picture of you on your phone!"

The Sweet Joy of Daughters!!

Yes, the girls loved being on the 40th floor!

Night time, roof top, swimming, apparently makes us  "the most awesomest parents!"

Summertime's Last Hurrah

Well our last week of summertime is upon us, next week my girls will begin 3rd and 5th grade! And while I'm slightly grieving the end of one more summertime in my girl's childhood, I'm also looking forward to the routine the school year brings, as well as the chance to work (substitute teach) again! :)

As for this past summer, I really have no regrets (other than deleting most of our 'a to z' summertime pictures!). The first part of our summer was busy, busy FUN...visit from my sister's family, camping, our grand adventure to the Grand Canyon, a visit from Mike's brother's family. The second part of our summer has been filled with relaxing days at home that inspire creativity in my girls, with the fun of our a to z days mixed in, as well as camping and trips to the lake, and scrapbooking with the girls their own books of our Grand Canyon trip.

Our last hurrah is this week at the Crown Center in Kansas City. Mike is here for training with work, so the girls and I are hanging out...visiting Hallmark's Kalediscope center, playing in fountains, shopping, and hanging at the pool (when the weather cooperates), going to the Money Museum...and the best part...all our fun is free (well, other than the shopping!) We'll play all day then join up with Mike in the evening, which will hopefully include at least one night to The Cheesecake Factory!

When the lady at the front desk asked Mike how high we wanted to be in our hotel, he said "as high as we can!" - so we ended up on the top floor! That would be #40!! He definitely scored brownie points with his girls who were screaming and giggling and, well, you can't even imagine the excitement!! It's quite the view too.  And I'm trying to get over my fears...of gettting stuck in the elevator with two girls, of there being a fire in the middle of the night, of storms blowing out windows. Sometimes I wish my heart still beheld the naive innocence that my girl's hearts hold...and I could just be excited about being on the 40th floor!

A few moments captured in time...

I still have LOTS of pictures to sort through, but I just thought I'd share these ones right now..

A Journey of 3,000 Miles...

I’ve always liked the saying, “A journey of 1,000 miles begins with a single step.” For this trip, perhaps it should read, “A journey of 3,000 miles begins with a single birthday wish…” We are on our way home, and I find myself wishing this desolate land between home and the west would offer a bit more pleasurable views for our driving enjoyment.  But this ‘nothingness’ gives me time for reflection. And because of this amazing invention called a ‘laptop’, I can type away as the miles roll on and on and on…there are some things you just gotta love about this ‘modern’ world! 

And I wonder, 20 years from now, what will Morgan and Sarah remember about this trip?! What stories from this trip will be told to my grandkids one day down the road? What memories will Mike and I always hold…after we return home, life settles back into routine, and the years keep flying by? I guess that’s part of the mystery and the fun of an unknown future. 

I’ve taken lots of photos this trip, trying to capture some of the moments along the way, and yet I am also aware that pictures fail to capture so much of the experience.  I’m hoping at some point when I’m less sleep deprived and not still on a ‘high’ from this trip, I will awake one morning and be able to capture into words some of this grand adventure.  But to begin, here are some of the experiences we had on this trip…

We found joy in a can of spray paint. We meandered through a petrified crystal forest. We observed the beauty of minerals in the Painted Desert. We immersed ourselves in frigid mountain stream water for the thrill of siding down natural rocks. We traversed over lava rocks beneath Sunset Crater. We found flowers in unexpected places. We attempted to experience the refreshing coolness of the ‘blow hole’ in ancient Indian ruins. We beheld a shared wonder of viewing the Grand Canyon for the first time. We held hands often.  We froze (42 degrees) and huddled together as we watched the sunrise over the Grand Canyon welcoming Morgan into the next decade of her life. We put a candle in her muffin and sang her happy birthday on top of that canyon rim. We took a relaxing horseback ride at sunset thru the ponderosa pines of the Kaibab Forest. We ventured downward into the Grand Canyon and back up again (only for about 1.5 hours). We strolled along the rim’s top, snapping countless photos. With gratitude we watched our girls skip everywhere. We enjoyed stiff breezes that kept us cool during the day. We camped. We enjoyed s’mores and campfires. We let our faces reflect the sun’s concluding rays as it fell over the Grand Canyon. We sat in awe at the brilliance of the stars after the sun went down. We had no bedtimes. We were amazed at the sight of Saturn’s rings through a telescope.  We rafted (smooth water) down the Colorado River, thru Glen Canyon.  We froze in even colder water of the Colorado River (ok they did, I wasn’t getting in 47 degree water!). We splashed in hotel pools. We kept a lookout for mountain lions and bears, but alas, we saw neither. We toured ancient pueblo Indian ruins at Mesa Verde. We watched our girls get ‘sworn in’ as Jr. Ranger’s and Grand Canyon and Mesa Verde.   We rose above the treetops on the ski lift and soaked in the mountain views. We screamed flying down the half-mile Alpine slide on the mountain side. We had a picnic on top of the mountain. We watched a ‘gun-fight’ in the streets of Silverton. We burned our feet in the sand of the Great Sand Dunes.  We listened to our girls sing countless songs. We laughed at silliness. And of course, we also thanked God often for the opportunity to experience all this beautiful creation of His!! Yes, we journeyed these 3,000 miles together and regardless of what details we remember, I’m certain it is a trip that will endure in our hearts for the rest of our days. 

And in 19 months, Sarah will turn 10…I wonder where she will choose?! Rumor has it that our next adventure may be more “Magical” than “Grand”, but we will see if she chooses Disney or elsewhere in the end! J

Westward Ho!

So in the middle of the most desolate land...lies an anomaly called cadillac ranch.  These Cadillacs are 'planted' along the side of the road and you are encouraged to stop, bring your own spray paint and have a blast! So, since our good friends The Bennes told us about this fun stop, we couldn't resist a chance to graffiti these old cadillacs. 

"look at all these paint layers!"

And while for most, this is just a way to have a little fun on your journey, Mike described this place as "a trace examiner's dream" and had a huge smile on his face our entire visit.  He collected our first souvenirs and is thrilled that there are 37 years of paint layers that he can 'examine'!

Mike helping Morgan paint "10th Morgan" for her birthday.

Sarah adding her peace sign.

our first souvenirs: paint chips

2,733 miles

2,733 is how many miles we logged for this trip. This trip took us through NY, PA, OH, IN, IL, MO and KS. Our girls are the best travelers. I don't remember them complaning one time. I took this picture about 100 miles before the end of our trip. As you can see...they are still smiling! The benefit to not watching a lot of TV at home is that when we spend 25 hours in the car (over 3 days) to get home...watching movies is a fun treat for them. Their two favorite movies this trip were Princess Protection Program and Another Cinderella Story. They probably watched them each at least six times. They worked on their math workbooks (for candy & slushies) and screamed every time we'd cross a state line. Mike spent half the road trip saying "ok, guess who sings this" while I would pick a name out of the hat...I think I got like 1 out of 25 right!
We were so tired at the end of the trip we were acting a bit crazy - so I was snapping some pictures of Missouri scenery...largest morel mushroom, tree growing out of silo.
Mike drove at least 2,000 of these miles, which gave me lots of time to get lost in a few books and organize pictures on the laptop! Good times. Yes, "I could not ask for more than this time together, I could ask for more than this time with you. Right here in this moment, Is right where that I'm meant to be."