Always the Same and Never the Same

My favorite hobby the past few years has been 'chasing waterfalls'.  I LOVE the adventure, the hunt, the driving down back roads, the escape from cell phone signals, the REPLENISHMENT! Yesterday we took advantage of a beautiful Saturday. Here are a few moments captured in the Wilderness of Arkansas Mountains. Photo Credit to Mike.

Cascades on the way to Native American Falls. 

Lonesome Hallow Falls 47' tall

Hudson Shelter Falls - Hard to tell how big these are - about 5 stories tall.

After Mike had put his camera equipment away and we were walking back I said that would make a good photo. We kept walking. Then Morgan interpreted and said, "Dad, mom is saying to stop and get a photo." We kept walking then he said, no stop, I'll go back and get a photo.  It is a pretty little brook, isn't it! :)  Morgan knows me. Mike loves me. 

I was reflecting on our hike about the things that are always the same, but never the same. Like flowing water. It's always flowing water, yet that spot is never ever the same flowing water, ever. When I touch the water, no one else will probably ever touch that same exact water again. Like fire, which is always fire, yet never the same flame.  Like our breath, which is always a breath and yet never the same air. Like the wind, that is always blowing, yet we never feel the same wind blow through our hair twice. Like time, which is always ticking, and yet the same minute will never be the same minute.  Like moments, which are always moments, and yet can only be lived and captured briefly, because the same moment is impossible to have again.  Because even if you replicate that moment, you've created a new moment.  The same, and yet never the same.  What else is the same, and yet never the same? I found it to be an interesting concept I pondered as I sat and watched the streams flow and cascade and tumble and create beauty.

Today is Easter, we worshipped as a family, served at church in the kids programs, made a yummy Easter Dinner together (I almost ruined potatoes but saved them!), went and watched "I can only imagine" at the movies, and of course the girls hunted for their Easter Baskets and we enjoyed spoiling them just a bit with a basket of goodies.  The weather yesterday on our waterfall chase was 70 and partly sunny, today it is in low 30s and we saw freezing rain pellets! 

Now I'm pausing the write and read and ponder and reflect. So grateful for Jesus this Easter! 

 

Today, on Easter. (Notice: NO MORE BRACES!) 

When ordinary truly is extraordinary

Something about Saturday’s record-setting warmth caused me to write this, capturing a moment in time…

It was the kind of day when all seemed right in the world. When a kiss of sunshine awakened her from within.  A winter February day, when instead of cold and snow, sunshine and warmth of 82 degrees flooded both her world and her soul. 

The walk was warm, with no shade in the woods. The stark branches reached heavenward toward the limitless blue sky.  The creek beds ran dry, awaiting the spring rains to quench their banks and flow through their rocky beds.

Her youngest daughter, entering the world 14 years ago this day, brought her own kind of sweetness to the world. The daughter was a reminder to live in the moment, to enjoy the fleeting days of this lifetime. She was one of those souls who didn’t worry, didn’t stress, and like her dad, had a calmness about her that was one of their greatest strengths.

As her daughter walked behind her, chatting with a friend, she held tightly to the hand of the one who had held her heart for the past 26 years.  The conversation carefree, and at times even silent, as they simply had the joy of being together, on this trail, on this journey. Pausing from the busyness of days, to create this ordinary rhythm, that really in all reality was extraordinary, as he had reminded her on their walk the previous weekend.  And as she looked down at the grasp of their hands, her heart was in awe of the extraordinariness of it all.

Then as they walked, a text came, from her daughter behind her, “You guys look so cute” and a photo of the couple walking hand in hand.  It’s blurry, and if she was honest, she hates the weight she’d gained over the past several years.  And yet, the photo, was a gift from her daughter. A reminder that sometimes, the ordinary, even the imperfect, really is the most beautiful extraordinary there is. 

And her heart breathed up a prayer, both thanking God, and asking God to allow their daughters the beauty of their own extraordinary love one day. 

Refresh

I have a dozen and one open boxes pouring thoughts into my brain right now. A jumbled mess really, and I lay here trying to sort them all out, trying to reorganize the boxes, and I realize I have no idea what this blog post will actually be about.These words forming on the computer screen are my attempts at organizing it all.

These past few months, I have been a part of a leadership team planning the first women's conference at our church. And it was this weekend. It was a beautiful masterpiece, a work of art, all the women bringing their gifts to the table, in order to create an amazing experience for 75 women!  The theme was refresh - a place for women to take a break from the routine and refresh! And I've got to tell you, while it physically wore me out, and even more mentally as I attempted time and time again to step out of my comfort zone and create small talk, and develop friendships, and be in the moment.  For an introvert, these things are exhausting.  But I also know I don't want to do life alone...the journey is better shared.  But the truth? I came away refreshed.  Through volunteering and being able to bring my desire to encourage women, and implement things to make this happen -- it refreshed me -- it was purposeful/meaningful/life-giving to my soul. Refreshing for me was seeing other women be refreshed! 

I've met some incredibly talented women working on this retreat -- real, authentic, caring, creative...I could go on. And while it has taken over 7 years since we've moved...I've finally found a community, a place to belong, a place to love and be loved. A place where I can use my gifts to encourage others, as well as, be encouraged with the gifts of other women. God has given me the friendships I've been longing for, and this weekend, through the hugs of other women, I felt God reaching down and giving me a giant hug from heaven! (Oh the tears I've cried these past 7 years longing for this...makes the joy of these friendships even more special!)

Additionally, a week ago, the message on Sunday was called "dancing with the scars of rejection" - I didn't think the message would apply much to me, but God 'shouted' at me during this message - I realized how fully I had withdrawn from writing and serving since the rejection I faced a couple of summers ago when I was trying to get back into social work and submitting my work to publishers -- all the while being told I wasn't 'the one' - I wasn't quite 'good enough' -- and my heart broke that summer.  And this past week, God said it was time to let him rebuild this broken part of my heart into a new mosaic masterpiece - and I don't know what my writing will look like, or who I will share it with, but I know I will be writing again.  It's how I process this beautiful, confusing, amazing, sometimes upside down life! And I still refuse to believe my SW degree was wasted - I am on the look out again to see in what capacity I might use this degree I worked so hard for! And I can't stop thinking of the message, and I'm looking for ways to 'renew my mind' and dance with the scars of rejection once again, and grateful I get to do it alongside some of these amazing friends...

Living with a cracked elbow

A quote Morgan read out loud from her book and Sarah promptly said it sounded like me falling! haha!

This past week I've been getting good at being one-handed. I am Improvising a lot using my teeth, my thighs, my chin to help get things open. There's a lot of things that are hard to do with just one hand. Opening my mascara. Stuffing an envelope. Putting on deodorant. Unscrewing caps. Tying my shoes. Folding laundry. I am thankful that I can speak into my phone and it types for me! 

As much as this week has sucked since I cracked my elbow, I have been reminded that there is much beauty in ashes. I just had to pause and capture a little bit of it...

• I've been doing a book club/study at church since September and I've formed some amazing friendships!! They've checked in with me to make sure I'm OK this week. They've brought me meals every night this week. Yum! They have busy full lives and have a lot going on too. I felt loved that they've paused and supporting me in this way. Thanks Colette, Ruth, Lori, Claudia, Janet and Amber!

• My friend Marian called to check in on me. I hadn't visited with her in a long time and it was good to catch up!

• And my family?! They've been amazing! Willingly helping me every time I ask. With a good attitude. They've had to step up and help me more with my Etsy orders. I know it's not their favorite. 

• The other night in the car I was in bad shape. Sarah continually got her hands cold on her water bottle and put them on my forehead to give me relief. As soon as we got home Morgan got me medicine without even asking. Their concern for me warms my heart. 

• A mom of a girl in my Sunday school class told me that her sweet girl remembered me in her prayers this week. 

• And countless well wishes on social media and texts has been sweet too!!

Everyday Life & The Moon

Mike has taken the girls to an all day boater safety class - which leaves me a glorious day to myself! :) Well this is my 2nd day, since I had yesterday off too. But yesterday I had to make 9 orders in my etsy shop and do laundry, and pay bills.  And today I'm spending a chunk of the day doing taxes. But still it's 'my day'! :) And I'm trying NOT to think about the fact the girls will actually be driving the boat this summer!! gulp.

Yesterday, Morgan was so excited when she came home from school -- she got all the info to choose her classes for HS next year!!  I enjoyed sitting on the couch with her for 45 minutes reviewing it all, listening to her dreams and desires about her future. I am still in denial that she is this old already, but doing my best to embrace it and enjoy the moments it holds. BTW, she's definitely interested in a science field right now and is super excited she gets to take two honors classes next year - she already had her teacher's signatures of approval! She is on the ball!

Sarah is turning 12 in 4 more days. She thinks it's funny to remind me. Because I make a big deal of it - 12?! 12! How is this possible? You can't be 12 yet! :) Seriously, she can't be! She recently finished the Harry Potter Series - she read all 6 books in like 6 weeks. She averaged 80 pages a day (I made her do the math - I think she may have rolled her eyes at me - but I like dorky facts like that!) And for her birthday she can think of nothing she wants.  She still has Christmas money she hasn't spent.  I love how she is just content, happy in the moment, happy with what she has. After two weeks of asking what she wants, she finally came in this morning and told me -- Mom, I finally know what I want, a new hairbrush!! She makes me think extra hard to find a great gift for her! :)

photo source: unknown

And lastly, I've been wanting to write about the moon, ever since it took my breath away earlier this week -- and several other times this week -- it's been beautiful! (And I can appreciate a full moon even more now that I'm no longer subbing! ;) )

I turned the corner, and I gasped, was that the moon rising over the tree tops? How could it possibly look so enormous? Did it really have a pink hue too it, as the equally breathtaking winter sunset was reflecting off it? I wanted to chase it down, I didn't want to go down the hill and watch it disappear.  After I finally emerged on the other side of the valley and the trees, it was still beautiful, but it had risen more, and there it was now - a brilliant white shinning down on this earth, reflecting light for all to see.

In that moment, I had this thought. The moon doesn't make it's own light. It simply relfects the sun's light.  As Christians, isn't this true for us? We don't make our own light, but the more we turn towards the Son, the more we are able to reflect His light (and love and hope) onto this earth. And I was reminded that is what I want, for others to see Him when they look at my life. That is my prayer. My #discovery for this week.

She Noticed Beauty.

This week my daughter gave me a gift. She didn't know she'd given me a gift. In fact when she said the words I'm still not sure if she meant them as "you're kinda weird" or "what is with you?" or simply as an observation.  I don't think she really meant it as a compliment, but maybe.

But to me, it was the highest compliment I could have received.

Here were her words to me, "Mom, you think everything is beautiful!" (at this particular moment I was noticing how the wind was blowing the neighbors tree and it was dancing in several shades of green.)

Is that how she really sees me? She really notices that I do look for the good? That I do search for the beauty? Does she really notice my focus on beautiful things in this world, even while I know the reality of pain and sickness and evil in this world?

And you know those silly exercises you sometimes get that say "What would you like written on your tombstone?" or "What would you like people to say at your funeral?"  Well this is it.  She put it into words for me.

Three words will suffice. "She noticed beauty." I like that.

A choice, everyday, to focus on the goodness and beauty. God gives it to us. Are our eyes open to it? Jesus didn't give his life so we could focus on the cross. He gave it so we could focus on the resurrection...on restored relationship with him. With happily ever after.

Her words are a testament to the healing that has happened in my life. Because there was a time I wondered if I ever would heal from the evil that shattered my heart. It's such a gift that my daughter who lives with me everyday, who sees me at my worse and at my best, can testify that I do seek beauty. (sidenote, Maybe this is why I loved Katniss at the end of Mockinjay.)

These honest words from Morgan have made my heart keep smiling for the past 48 hours. Oh my sweet children, you are a gift in so many ways.

Also, Is there any wonder my favorite pinterest board is Glimpses of Heaven?

#glimpsesofheaven #bethegood #believethereisgood #happilyeverafter #onelife #nopausebutton #focusonthepositive #smile

Swimming with a Dolphin

This journey of a 1000+ miles began with a single double-digit birthday wish: to swim with dolphins!

So... we boarded the boat in New Orleans and set sail for Cozumel...where we got to hold the dolphin's fins while he swam on his back, then get pushed on a boogie board, dance, high five, hug/hold, kiss and get kissed by the dolphin.

One morning truly held a lifetime of memories!!

What a beautiful creature dolphins are! (Morgan now wants to be a marine biologist. I can't blame her.)

Here are the pics of us with Louis (whom we called St. Louis! :))

Autumn Gorgeousness

I absolutely LOVE pinterest these days. Even more than facebook, which is saying a lot. Pinterest just makes me smile. and feel happy. and inspires me. I've collected a few autumn photos on my pinterest boards.

Rainbow Woods

 I **wish** I could take beautiful photos like this.

Portugal  

 I **wish** I could visit these breathtakingly beautiful places in person.

Early Autumn, Bulgaria

I **wish** one of these photos could be the view off my back deck.

Vermont

But for now, I'm **thankful** for the talent of others who do visit and live in these places, and pause to capture these sights on film. Because just looking at these pictures makes me smile. And breathe in deeply. And celebrate the One who painted all this gorgeous creation!  So as the last of autumn leaves us for another year, I just wanted to pause and celebrate the beauty these photos capture! Thank you to each of these 'unknown' photographers whose photos have added a simple joy to my life!

Somewhere 'Out West', America

Glimpses of Heaven

When the girls were younger, they would come and curl up in my bed every morning. I loved that waking-up-slowly time with them.  Now they are older, they tend to wake each other up, play together, find some cartoons to watch - and somehow without warning - those sweet morning times with me ended.  Yet, this morning, it happened again. And I just HAD to pause and write it down.

Just before the twilight gives way to the morning brightness, Sarah tumbles into my room and climbs into my bed. I lay here, feeling the warmth of my sweet daughter snuggling next to me. Her hair a tousled mess, it looks like the fairies danced in her hair again last night. Involuntarily, my hand reaches up and touches her face – so soft, so tender, I simply receive the gift as it is – a glimpse of heaven here on earth. I turn her eyes towards mine – those big, brown eyes – the windows to her soul – and I look deep into them and I whisper, “I love you. Every day. For the rest of my life.” And she whispers back, “I love you too,” as her lips curl into the sweetest smile. Then, as my arms reach around her, hugging her tight, my soul whispers a silent thanks to God, treasuring once again, this undeserved gift of motherhood.