Rejection

It makes a tear slip out of the corner of my eye.

It whispers in my ear, attempting to convince me, "you aren't good enough."

It makes me text Mike, "Dumb is... dreaming dreams."

To which he responds, "Dumb is...not dreaming dreams." And so okay, maybe I agree with him.

You see this week I wanted to be celebrating. Celebrating having my story selected to be included in a crowd-published book releasing next week.  Celebrating being chosen and hired back into social work profession, at a job that seemed perfectly designed for me.

But guess what? My story wasn't chosen. And they hired someone who had more experience for my 'perfect' position. And although I'm flattered they liked me enough to forward my resume to human resources with a recommendation for consideration in future openings, in the end, it's still rejection.

And, it hurts. Even though I don't want it to have influence over me, it does.

However, in the midst of this, I'm trying to remind myself of truth. I'm trying to keep a clear perspective. I'm trying to think big picture, eternally.

I do believe God has put these dreams in my heart, for a reason.

I do believe that He has given me gifts, talents, abilities, passions and compassion, for today, and for tomorrow.

I believe He is writing the story of my life. And when I face rejection, I can trust, that even though I don't know what the future holds, I do know who holds the future.

It's my job to keep trusting. To persevere. To get up one more time and try again. To take a risk. To put myself out there. Even if it's hard.

Last week, laying awake in the middle of the night, asking God, "Is life going to get crazy? If I take a full-time job, will life just be insane?"  and somewhere, caught between awake and asleep, I heard these words whispered into my soul, "Life is about to get even more beautiful."  That is the voice I'm trusting through this rejection. This process of growing. This journey of living.

My life is quite beautiful already, so I'm excited to see what 'even more' awaits!


(I would also add to this list, Dr. Suess was rejected 27 times before having his writing published.)

Couch Rebels

Five years ago, I wrote my memoir.  It's a story I wrote for my girls. It's part of their family history. It's a story of how tragedy changed and shaped my life, and thus theirs.  

Well, I had a few friends who were submitting stories to this book project...

http://causepub.com/couch-rebels/

What is the book about?

"Couch rebels are people who have been outside their comfort zones (whether voluntary or involuntary) and have allowed those experiences to change their lives. While the rest of society is imitating potatoes, couch rebels are learning, growing, and experiencing the incredible things life has to offer." 

If your story gets enough votes, and the editors like your story, then you will get published in the book (set to release next month!)! They give 50% of profits to a good cause, this time it's going to provide clean water for 45,000 people and to help fight HIV/AIDS in Africa.

If my story is selected, I will get to share 20% of the profits with all the other authors! Added bonus!

So, I woke up at 4am in the morning Saturday, couldn't sleep, so I condensed my memoir into 900 words and submitted it. I almost didn't submit it -- fear of rejection, fear of being vulnerable, but I did!  I'd love for you to take a few moments and read it and vote for my story: A Mosaic Heart. 

Note, you know your vote has gone through when the vote icon changes from orange to grey. :)

Oh, and as long as your there, you should read my friend Mel's story too: A Moment of Love.

Love Does

Guess What? It's Tuesday, time for Holley's God-Sized Dream Link-up  (and, yes, I'm actually posting my post on said Tuesday, don't faint!)


Today's assignment: Find a way to pay it forward. You’ve been encouraged in your God-sized dreams by your sisters here the last few months. How can you spread that encouragement forward by investing in other dreamers? It can be small and simple or BIG and wild. Ask God what you can do and get creative. Then write a post about what you’re doing and link it up below.

I did find a way to pay-it-forward, but I am going to keep it private, and  instead, share with you a story from my past.

<< Rewind to 1994 <<

We had been married not even four months. I was working what temp jobs I could find, while Mike took classes at Michigan State and worked part-time in the dorm cafeteria. Good times.

Rewind just a bit more: Two weeks before our wedding, I wrecked our car -- late at night, country road, county had just put down loose gravel, I went too fast around the curve and came face to face with a tree.  I was fine. The car was not. We used most of our wedding money to fix our car.

Then, a couple of months later, we were rear-ended in a hit and run.  Thankfully we were again okay, and the car was still driveable. It looked horrible, but we drove it for 3 more years with a smashed back end that needed a screwdriver to pop the trunk.

Then just weeks after the hit and run our transmission went out.  I remember taking our car to the shop, and having to walk back to campus -- it was a good 2-3 mile walk on a brisk sunny day.  And I remember the tears and wondering how in the world we were going to pay for this.  Love is good, but it doesn't pay the bills.

Later that week, in the mail, we got a large check from some good friends.  They were by no means wealthy -- they were a few years older than us, raising two kids, serving in ministry. But they reached deep into their hearts, and generously shared their money with us to meet a very real need in our lives. It was then and there that Mike and I knew we would pay-forward this act of kindness to others when we were able to later in life.

One small deed of encouragement (love in action) has the power to alter the course of one's life. That is the truth we experienced.

And writing this just now, reminds me that we got to hear Bob Goff at church a few weeks ago, and I need to get his book, Love Does from the library! If I ever get to be as wealthy as him, I hope I use my money to change lives like he does, but I will also not let my lack of wealth keep me from doing good now with what I have been given.  I'm glad God gives us others, to encourage us, while we pursue the dreams He places in our hearts!

If you've never heard Bob Goff, check out this short you-tube video (this guy put his personal cell phone number in the back of his book for readers and tries to answer every call he receives!):

March 4th

I read an article several years ago, and I've always remembered the article, although don't ask me where I read it, or who to the give the credit to, 'cuz I don't remember that!

It talked about how March 4th is the only day of the year that is a command.  To March Forth - Walk Forward - Move.  I kinda like it. A day to renew/recommit to new year resolutions that have been slipping. A day to begin something new. A day to move forward in any area of life you may be stuck.  

At this stage of my life - I'm currently looking at my life purpose - asking, "Why has God placed me on earth?!" One amazing online resource I've discovered to help me  'march forth' in this area is www.chazown.com - It has free short video clips, and free tools to help you towards this goal. I'm also reading the book, and we're working through it in our small group bible study, which makes it even better - but if you don't have either of those - it's still a great resource to work on - on your own! Check it out!

My Leap Year Biopsy

Well apparently I wanted to remember leap year in a BIG way! Yesterday, I ended up having my first, and hopefully last ever, biopsy!!

At my routine annual checkup at the end of January, my doctor discovered a nodule on my thyroid. An  ultrasound revealed a fairly large nodule and several smaller ones. So they scheduled me for a biopsy. I've been waiting and waiting for the biopsy, it wasn't suppose to be for another few weeks - but they called yesterday morning and were able to get me in early! Yay, God!

They called this afternoon with the results - and everything came back fine!!! So I cried from relief and now all I want to do is sleep long and hard...I've been a bit short on sleep this past month with all this on my heart and mind. (As you can imagine!)

Yesterday as I was laying as still as possible on the biopsy table and telling myself  over and over again 'do not swallow' I kept hearing the lyrics to this really old song I haven't heard in years, "No matter what tomorrow brings, or what it has in store, I know I will praise the Lord!"

You see with a good report from the doctor today, it's easy to say things like "Praise the Lord!" and "God answered our Prayers!" And while I completely agree...I wonder, could others, would I, be able to say those same things if the report was different? Could I trust in His plans for my life, even if they involved thyroid cancer and the removal of my thyroid? Faith. Trust. They are easy to have when the news is good. But I want a life that truly trusts and has faith in God even when the news is 'bad'.

This morning, these were the words I read, "When something in your life or thoughts makes you anxious, come to Me and talk about it. Bring me your prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, saying  "Thank you Jesus for this opportunity to trust you more." Though the lessons of trust come wrapped in difficulties, the benefits far outweigh the costs. (Jesus Calling Devotional, Phil 4:6).  So if anything, I say, "Jesus, thank you that these past few weeks have given me the opportunity to trust you more!!"

AND PLEASE - GET ROUTINE CHECKUPS, EVEN IF YOU ARE HEALTHY, YOU NEVER KNOW!

What to do with 'Hell' on Earth

Our church has an outreach, called ImpACT (I like how it has "I ACT" in it). It's a strategic outreach to make a dent in the four global giants of poverty, disease, illiteracy, and spiritual emptiness. It's a huge reason I LOVE our church so much.  I always find myself challenged by the annual "ImpACT" talk.

Here are a few random notes from today's talk.

• There may be 'hell' on earth, but we can bring a little bit of heaven.
• Don't ask, Where is God (when you see hurting and brokenness and injustice in the world)? But rather ask, where am I? What am I doing to bring a bit of heaven to earth? 
• Proverbs 31: 8-9 Speak up for those who cannot speak for themselves, for the rights of all who are destitute. Speak up and judge fairly; defend the rights of the poor and needy.  
• Find where God's heart is. And join him there. And throughout scripture you see that his heart is with the poor and broken. 
• I am in the center of God's will when I am in the midst of the poor and hurting. Matt 25: 35-40
• And what if we get this thing right? What if we really are the hands and feet of Christ and love others well in our world? After I got home I read a beautiful example of this on a blog, and you can read about it here. One person, stepping out of her comfort zone, and loving those hurting and broken with the love of God. Beautiful. Inspiring. God can bring healing and hope to others when we choose to act.   

And I hope that which has been stirred in my heart today will lead to action. It's so easy to give excuses for inaction.

Getting Dunked

We've been talking with the girls this past year about baptism. Obviously, we wanted to make sure they understood what it was before they got baptized. Well tonight, at our church, was "Fall Splash" and they decided they did want to get baptized. I asked them to write down why they were getting baptized. 

Sarah wrote,  "I'm getting baptized because I want to show people I made God my forever friend." So I asked her how she knows he's her forever friend, to which she responded "I did my ABCs. A - [admit] tell God you are a sinner. B - Believe Jesus is the son of God. C- Confess Jesus is your savior."

Morgan wrote, "I'm getting baptized because I want to show everybody that I chose Jesus as my forever friend. I want to show that I believe in Jesus and he died for me and the world." And again, how did she know he was her forever friend? "A - I admitted to God that I sinned so I have to turn away from my sin. B - I have to believe that Jesus is my forever friend and my savior and my lord. C- I confessed that he is my savior and he is my friend forever."

God wants relationship with us. And that's what I want them to understand. Yes, the God of the universe, cares deeply about us, and desires to be in relationship with us. He has made a way (Jesus) for this to be possible. He will always be there for them. I hope this is a day they remember for always, and when 'life happens' and gets rough - I hope they remember that God is there, walking with them, desiring relationship with them. He has purposes and plans for their lives. Baptism isn't salvation. They make that choice in their hearts. But it is a beautiful act, of faith, showing others the choice their heart made. 

Our church has baptized over 1,000 people this past year!! I'm not sure how many will get baptized this weekend, at least a couple hundred, I'm sure. I love the excitement and celebration of baptism (as you will see in the video)! So, without further ado, here is the video from tonight. "I baptize you in the name of the father, the son, and the holy spirit..."

Unsettled and The Impact Effect

I'm kinda excited about two new books coming out next month.  First...unsettled: life beyond the yellow ragged couch...

For ten years, we attended this church in Columbia, MO (and then later in Jeff City, MO when they opened a campus there) called Woodcrest. I got to hear Piet Van Warde speak every week, and I never tired of listening to his messages. I appreciated his authenticity, because God often spoke through him to my heart about what I needed to hear. Something tells me that God may just once again speak to me again through Piet's words, in his newest book, unsettled, so I am looking forward to getting a copy of it soon! Here's the facebook page for unsettled.

Next...The Impact Effect: A revolutionary vision for compassion in your community and the world...

I really didn't want to leave 'woodcrest' - it was one of the hardest part of our move. And yet, God led us to another amazing church, led by Tommy Sparger, called North Point Church (NPC).  What I love about NPC is how hands on they are about living out the christian life in the community and around the world.  Their love for others here in our town and across the globe is real and authentic and inspiring. It's not about talking or programs...it's about action...and making a difference...and loving others with the love that God has placed in our hearts. He explains it all in this book.  Here's more info on Tommy's blog about The Impact Effect. 

A Minute of Margin

I've wanted to read this book called "Margin" by Richard Swenson for awhile now. Our library had his book "A Minute of Margin", which is 180 short readings and I just got it last night. The concept is this...even a page in a book requires margins...but often our lives our so full, they have no margins in them, but our lives need margins. I haven't read very far in the book, but it's VERY good. There are so many thought provoking ideas...here's a couple:

He was talking about how once upon a time and there were no clocks and he asks..."What was it like to have no notion of a second or a minute or even an hour? To never be late or early? To not even know what late or early is?" He then talks about how the clock broke up the day and the light bulb broke up the night and he says "The clock and the light...they gave us time, then they stole it away."

He talks about how we are a nation on the move and in a hurry...fast food, rush hour, FedEx, Sprint phone calls, Quicken, Slimfast...and he goes on to ask "Is there a speed limit to life...a pace beyond which the brain, body and the spirit begin to suffer? What happens when we exceed this limit?...Speed. Hurry. We pay a price for the pace at which we live."

Life at a slower pace...what does that look like?