50!!!

50!! It’s just a number. And yet it holds possibility for all the numbers yet to follow.

It’s 2 digits. And yet it’s a reminder of this fleeting life.

It’s a new decade. And yet it’s the celebration of 5 beautiful decades already lived.

It’s just a birthday. And yet it’s a day to be grateful for all the ups and downs of this journey.

It’s 100/2. And yet it’s also a reality check to reevaluate if I’m living 100% of the life I want to.

It’s getting AARP mail. And yet it’s feeling like I have a whole lifetime to live still.

It’s 600 months. And yet, it’s also thinking of all the amazing people who have walked alongside me in these months.

 It’s the half-way pause to appreciate all I’ve accomplished. And yet a reminder for all the dreams I’ve had that I’ve never pursued.

It’s 2,609 weeks. And yet it’s wrinkles and gray hair looking back in the mirror of all the life lived in those weeks.

It’s the golden birthday celebration. And yet it also begins another trip around the sun.

It’s 18,262 days. And yet, who’s counting?

It’s a day I could feel old. And yet I remember, everyone has a chance to be young, but not everyone has a chance to grow old.  So here’s to growing old, for however many days I have left with breath in my lungs. I don’t know if that will be tomorrow or in several decades down the road. Meanwhile, I will live imperfectly. I will speak kindly to myself. I will continue to redefine success as experiences and opportunities, rather than as accomplishments. I will look at the world not broadly, but closely, and the circle around me I can engage with. I will seek to always choose kindness. I will say sorry when I’m not kind. I will do my best to always believe the best about people. I will remind myself that I can be the goodness in this world and seek out opportunities to do good. I will look for the positive. I will plant future bouquets. I will intentionally invest in relationships. I will love God. I will have adventures. I will drink in fresh air every chance I get on woodland paths. I will notice sunsets that give way to twilight, and raindrops that bring rainbows. I will live. Here’s to 50!

Birthday Reflections

Birthdays.

A day to pause.

A day filled with gratitude for the opportunity I had to take another trip around the sun. 46 full trips around the sun.

A reminder that this life is fleeting. And while I hope I have another 46 trips around the sun, the truth is, in this uncertain world, it is possible I may not even make a full trip around to 47. To some this may sound morbid. To me, it helps me live my life deeper, fuller, more honestly. It helps me live with deep integrity, deep love, deep feelings (which I don't always appreciate!), and deep joy. (I wanted to type 'deep purpose' there, but I'm in a season of wondering what my 'purpose' is.)

It is a reminder to enjoy this life I've been given. To enjoy the warmth of the sun on a winter day. To smell the roses on our counter. To savor that bite of chocolate (especially since come Sunday I'm giving up sugar for 3 weeks!). To have conversations. To take time for conversations. To plan getaways now. And to take the getaway. To listen to the laughter around me. To create laughter (although I tend to live so seriously, I'm not always the best at this one.) To give myself permission to binge watch Downton Abbey.

 And it's filled with so many beautiful people - some family, some friends, some friends who feel like family. And on my birthday, its easy to pause, and be thankful for all the wonderful people I get to share the journey with.

So today, I won't be sad for how 'old' I've become. Rather, I choose to be grateful for all the life I've been able to live!

Always the Same and Never the Same

My favorite hobby the past few years has been 'chasing waterfalls'.  I LOVE the adventure, the hunt, the driving down back roads, the escape from cell phone signals, the REPLENISHMENT! Yesterday we took advantage of a beautiful Saturday. Here are a few moments captured in the Wilderness of Arkansas Mountains. Photo Credit to Mike.

Cascades on the way to Native American Falls. 

Lonesome Hallow Falls 47' tall

Hudson Shelter Falls - Hard to tell how big these are - about 5 stories tall.

After Mike had put his camera equipment away and we were walking back I said that would make a good photo. We kept walking. Then Morgan interpreted and said, "Dad, mom is saying to stop and get a photo." We kept walking then he said, no stop, I'll go back and get a photo.  It is a pretty little brook, isn't it! :)  Morgan knows me. Mike loves me. 

I was reflecting on our hike about the things that are always the same, but never the same. Like flowing water. It's always flowing water, yet that spot is never ever the same flowing water, ever. When I touch the water, no one else will probably ever touch that same exact water again. Like fire, which is always fire, yet never the same flame.  Like our breath, which is always a breath and yet never the same air. Like the wind, that is always blowing, yet we never feel the same wind blow through our hair twice. Like time, which is always ticking, and yet the same minute will never be the same minute.  Like moments, which are always moments, and yet can only be lived and captured briefly, because the same moment is impossible to have again.  Because even if you replicate that moment, you've created a new moment.  The same, and yet never the same.  What else is the same, and yet never the same? I found it to be an interesting concept I pondered as I sat and watched the streams flow and cascade and tumble and create beauty.

Today is Easter, we worshipped as a family, served at church in the kids programs, made a yummy Easter Dinner together (I almost ruined potatoes but saved them!), went and watched "I can only imagine" at the movies, and of course the girls hunted for their Easter Baskets and we enjoyed spoiling them just a bit with a basket of goodies.  The weather yesterday on our waterfall chase was 70 and partly sunny, today it is in low 30s and we saw freezing rain pellets! 

Now I'm pausing the write and read and ponder and reflect. So grateful for Jesus this Easter! 

 

Today, on Easter. (Notice: NO MORE BRACES!) 

When ordinary truly is extraordinary

Something about Saturday’s record-setting warmth caused me to write this, capturing a moment in time…

It was the kind of day when all seemed right in the world. When a kiss of sunshine awakened her from within.  A winter February day, when instead of cold and snow, sunshine and warmth of 82 degrees flooded both her world and her soul. 

The walk was warm, with no shade in the woods. The stark branches reached heavenward toward the limitless blue sky.  The creek beds ran dry, awaiting the spring rains to quench their banks and flow through their rocky beds.

Her youngest daughter, entering the world 14 years ago this day, brought her own kind of sweetness to the world. The daughter was a reminder to live in the moment, to enjoy the fleeting days of this lifetime. She was one of those souls who didn’t worry, didn’t stress, and like her dad, had a calmness about her that was one of their greatest strengths.

As her daughter walked behind her, chatting with a friend, she held tightly to the hand of the one who had held her heart for the past 26 years.  The conversation carefree, and at times even silent, as they simply had the joy of being together, on this trail, on this journey. Pausing from the busyness of days, to create this ordinary rhythm, that really in all reality was extraordinary, as he had reminded her on their walk the previous weekend.  And as she looked down at the grasp of their hands, her heart was in awe of the extraordinariness of it all.

Then as they walked, a text came, from her daughter behind her, “You guys look so cute” and a photo of the couple walking hand in hand.  It’s blurry, and if she was honest, she hates the weight she’d gained over the past several years.  And yet, the photo, was a gift from her daughter. A reminder that sometimes, the ordinary, even the imperfect, really is the most beautiful extraordinary there is. 

And her heart breathed up a prayer, both thanking God, and asking God to allow their daughters the beauty of their own extraordinary love one day. 

One Second Everyday 2016

This year, I tried to capture one second every day. I missed a couple of days, but it's still a great collection of the memories of 2016. You can view it on our youtube channel (click here). 

Baker Family Highlights of 2016

u 20 years of living in Missouri and Mike working for MSHP Crime Lab 

uMorgan turned 15, got her driving permit, loves colorguard (learned to spin rifle and sabre, on top of flags, this year), loves swim, and took a trip to San Francisco with her grandparents 

u Sarah turned 13 (yes, a teen!), absolutely loves reading, also enjoys colorguard, volunteer opportunities, and swim too! She also got her braces on this year! 

u Family Trip to Smoky Mountains (we saw a bear, went white water rafting, and hiked to some amazing waterfalls!)

u 22^nd anniversary 

u Mike has been enjoying photography more this year, and Cathy loves finding the waterfalls to capture on film 

u Mike joined a local shooting range and has enjoyed target practice

uCathy & Mike Arkansas getaway, slept in a yurt  

u 3 trips to Michigan (summer, thanksgiving, Christmas) 

u We redid a room in our basement and made it an etsy studio for Cathy’s business, with a beautiful pallet wall! 

u And we bought a new (to us) car with scrabble tiles (business is good!) www.celebratingthemoment.etsy.com

Celebrating 20 Years at the MSHP Crime Lab

Michigan Summer 2016

Michigan Thanksgiving 2016

These beauties who call me mom! 

A to Z Summer Fun: Ice Cream Version

So this summer, we decided to do an A to Z Ice Cream Fun list...and we finished it this past weekend!

I'd like to say this is all the ice cream we ate, but ummm, no. What can I say, the Bakers LOVE ice cream!

A Andy's Frozen Custard
B Braum's Ice Cream
C Celmentine's Micro Creamery (my favorite!)
D Dockside Ice Cream Cones
E Edy's
F Frozen Custard (from Andy's of course)
G Giant Bowls of Frozen Yumminess
H Half- price steak n shake shakes
I Ice Cream
J James Brownie Funky Jackhammer
K Klondike Bars
L Lemonade (frozen)
M Malts and Milkshakes
N New Flavor (O'chunko chocolate)
O Orange Leaf
P Pineapple Whip
Q Queen Visit (Dairy Queen, that is)
R Rootbeer Floats
S Slushies
T Twist Cones
U scream, I scream, we all scream for ice cream
V vanilla cones
W Wendy's Frosties
X Xtra Toppings
Y Yogurt (the frozen kind)
Z Zott's

Life is FULL

Life has been FULL the last 4 days. So much to celebrate.  This beautiful life that I can't pause. This journey that I get to travel during this lifetime. The amazing people I get to share it with.  My heart is full.

We've had two swim meets.  I love this being a part of our summer.  I love watching how strong the girls have become through the last five years. Their strokes and techniques inspire me. {haven't got the photos off the good camera yet}

We've celebrated Mike, he's such an amazing dad!  The girls and I made him this giant Jenga game - Lowes, saws, power sanding - he's taught us a lot!
 

 We've celebrated our beautiful daughter turning 15.  She got a new sabre, rifle, and color guard bag. She loves being on guard! But boy oh boy, practice sure results in lots of bruises!

She got her first flowers from a boy.

We finally made it to the lake for the first time this summer! Thanks Mike for getting the boat fixed!! He described it as trying to get out of an escape room -- it was quite a puzzle to figure out and put back together! But I knew he could do it! Just took longer than we all hoped!

We bought a new car, as I like to say, with scrabble tiles (and a few shadow boxes thrown in!) --my etsy store has definitely gone way beyond anything I ever dreamed for it!  Also, we made sure our new car knew the way to Andy's.

Morgan passed her driving test and now has a permit to begin to learn how to drive. Her patient dad is in the front seat, and I'm practicing my breathing techniques from birth class in the back seat.  Especially when 3 deer cross in front of us! Luckily she was only going 25 mph.

Yes, all that, and more, in the past 4 days!

And I'm writing again...

(This is just a draft, but I made it a priority to sit down and write this morning and I wanted to capture it here on my blog!) 

I knew the risk I was taking. I knew I might not make it back home. 9:59…9:58…9:57… But for me it was worth the risk. A chance to see the world in a whole new perspective. The chance to soar where no one has before. Really, this is the only way to live this one and only life. YOLO the younger generations say. 9:06…9:05…9:04… I’ve not merely existed on this journey around the sun, I’ve made the most of it. I have no regrets for choosing this trip.  Yet still, this isn’t how I thought my final moments of this voyage would end. Utterly alone. With only my thoughts. 8:34…8:33…8:32… Who knew I would be the one who would get to take these adventures. Who knew I would be on my own at the end, counting down the moments.  My mind is racing back through time, through the days of my life. Too many memories to sort through them all.  7:23…7:22…7:21… But here, floating among the stars, engulfed in the vastness of them all, watching earth from a distance, balanced in a galaxy of blackness, I am captivated by it all.  If we get glimpses of heaven, this must be it. And I’m closer than I’d like to think…to heaven, that is.  I thought I’d be going back to earth, but here I am suspended in space and time, watching my oxygen tank empty out faster than I want. Please, slow down time. Every breath counts right now.  These are my final moments. 5:42…5:41…5:40… I’m closer to heaven than to earth. And I have a strange peace about that. To know that soon this blackness of the galaxy will be replaced with brightness of the Lord himself. That the coldness of this environment will soon transform into an eternal warmth. Like that of a perfect spring day. 4:10…4:09…4:08… That those who have traveled before me, are ‘home’ waiting for me to walk beside the crystal sea with them.  On earth, I got glimpses of the crystal sea, when my children would say, “Look at the sprinkles on the water!” They loved how the sun reflected off the water, sparkling a million tiny sparkles for our enjoyment. What joy I will soon experience for all eternity. 3:17…3:16…3:15 Yet, at the same time, my heart grieves. It grieves for those left on earth. I wish I had a chance to say goodbye. That I could say ‘see you later’. I wish that tears and pain wouldn’t fill their upcoming days.  I pray now that they will have peace. That their memories will be their strength. May they be inspired to live their lives well. To finish strong the journey that lies ahead of them.  2:21…2:20…2:19… More time. I want more time.  But really, is there ever enough time to experience it all? Our days our numbered. For me, my minutes are numbered. And here, at the end, the only time that matters, is the time I already spent to love, and to live, and to give, on this journey.  Those are the moments that mattered. Those are the moments that mean something here at the end. 0:60…0:59…0:58… What does one think during the last minute he has oxygen?  I shall think of Jesus. Of his open arms waiting me. I’m grateful he became the bridge between me and God on that cross, that he gave himself as a gift for me to choose. I have followed him, and with faith and hope, I rest in knowing that these last breaths are not the end of the journey, but only the beginning. 0:03…0:02…0:01…

(I asked the girls to give me something to write about...inspiration...Morgan said, write about being an astronaut in space and you only have 10 minutes of oxygen left in your tank).

Now on to work on the 61 etsy items I've had ordered in the past 4 days! :) 

Refresh

I have a dozen and one open boxes pouring thoughts into my brain right now. A jumbled mess really, and I lay here trying to sort them all out, trying to reorganize the boxes, and I realize I have no idea what this blog post will actually be about.These words forming on the computer screen are my attempts at organizing it all.

These past few months, I have been a part of a leadership team planning the first women's conference at our church. And it was this weekend. It was a beautiful masterpiece, a work of art, all the women bringing their gifts to the table, in order to create an amazing experience for 75 women!  The theme was refresh - a place for women to take a break from the routine and refresh! And I've got to tell you, while it physically wore me out, and even more mentally as I attempted time and time again to step out of my comfort zone and create small talk, and develop friendships, and be in the moment.  For an introvert, these things are exhausting.  But I also know I don't want to do life alone...the journey is better shared.  But the truth? I came away refreshed.  Through volunteering and being able to bring my desire to encourage women, and implement things to make this happen -- it refreshed me -- it was purposeful/meaningful/life-giving to my soul. Refreshing for me was seeing other women be refreshed! 

I've met some incredibly talented women working on this retreat -- real, authentic, caring, creative...I could go on. And while it has taken over 7 years since we've moved...I've finally found a community, a place to belong, a place to love and be loved. A place where I can use my gifts to encourage others, as well as, be encouraged with the gifts of other women. God has given me the friendships I've been longing for, and this weekend, through the hugs of other women, I felt God reaching down and giving me a giant hug from heaven! (Oh the tears I've cried these past 7 years longing for this...makes the joy of these friendships even more special!)

Additionally, a week ago, the message on Sunday was called "dancing with the scars of rejection" - I didn't think the message would apply much to me, but God 'shouted' at me during this message - I realized how fully I had withdrawn from writing and serving since the rejection I faced a couple of summers ago when I was trying to get back into social work and submitting my work to publishers -- all the while being told I wasn't 'the one' - I wasn't quite 'good enough' -- and my heart broke that summer.  And this past week, God said it was time to let him rebuild this broken part of my heart into a new mosaic masterpiece - and I don't know what my writing will look like, or who I will share it with, but I know I will be writing again.  It's how I process this beautiful, confusing, amazing, sometimes upside down life! And I still refuse to believe my SW degree was wasted - I am on the look out again to see in what capacity I might use this degree I worked so hard for! And I can't stop thinking of the message, and I'm looking for ways to 'renew my mind' and dance with the scars of rejection once again, and grateful I get to do it alongside some of these amazing friends...

Integrity, a Detective, and my Momma Heart

In many ways this has been a very difficult week.  My heart has been aching and stretching.  Parenting is truly a journey of the heart. 

This week Morgan had to make a very difficult decision to report something to her coach.  She came home from practice overwhelmed by the circumstances.  A fellow teammate’s poor choices (and I feel they really are a great individual who made a stupid, stupid choice!) have resulted in the entire team needing to speak with a detective this week. This individual has a 10 day suspension and will not be competing at end of season championships today. Their presence and talent will truly be missed today.  And my heart breaks – what made them make such a foolish choice?!  I’m reminded how one choice has far reaching consequences to so many others – like the ongoing ripples from one pebble tossed in the pond. 

But let me speak from my momma heart about Morgan.

• She chose integrity. She chose to the right thing. Even though it was gut-wrenching hard. She’s a teen and she made the right choice.  Will she always? Probably not, she’s a human, not a saint.  But I am so very proud of her.
•  We’ve had powerful conversations. Like, “Mom, I know I can say “I forgive you” but how do you really forgive someone?! Like deep down in your heart? Because I want to forgive.”  So we talked about grace and how trust is different than forgiveness.  Maybe it’s time for her to read my memoir. For me, it was a 10 year journey, I hope I can help her figure it out sooner than I did!
•  We’ve had great conversations about how situations like this reveal the character of others.  We’ve discussed how different people on the team have handled it and about the value of friendships. I’ve loved the depth of our conversations this week.

And while I will enjoy watching the strength of her spin and catch consistently today, it is the strength of her character that I am treasuring most in my heart today.  Lord, Thank you for letting me be this girl’s momma! 

Love both my girls! Easter...

Living with a cracked elbow

A quote Morgan read out loud from her book and Sarah promptly said it sounded like me falling! haha!

This past week I've been getting good at being one-handed. I am Improvising a lot using my teeth, my thighs, my chin to help get things open. There's a lot of things that are hard to do with just one hand. Opening my mascara. Stuffing an envelope. Putting on deodorant. Unscrewing caps. Tying my shoes. Folding laundry. I am thankful that I can speak into my phone and it types for me! 

As much as this week has sucked since I cracked my elbow, I have been reminded that there is much beauty in ashes. I just had to pause and capture a little bit of it...

• I've been doing a book club/study at church since September and I've formed some amazing friendships!! They've checked in with me to make sure I'm OK this week. They've brought me meals every night this week. Yum! They have busy full lives and have a lot going on too. I felt loved that they've paused and supporting me in this way. Thanks Colette, Ruth, Lori, Claudia, Janet and Amber!

• My friend Marian called to check in on me. I hadn't visited with her in a long time and it was good to catch up!

• And my family?! They've been amazing! Willingly helping me every time I ask. With a good attitude. They've had to step up and help me more with my Etsy orders. I know it's not their favorite. 

• The other night in the car I was in bad shape. Sarah continually got her hands cold on her water bottle and put them on my forehead to give me relief. As soon as we got home Morgan got me medicine without even asking. Their concern for me warms my heart. 

• A mom of a girl in my Sunday school class told me that her sweet girl remembered me in her prayers this week. 

• And countless well wishes on social media and texts has been sweet too!!

"All Mixed Up" A to Z Summer Fun

So for the summer of 2015, we are doing "all mixed up" A to Z summer fun.  We aren't going in order and just doing what we feel like on the days we have time.  Like today we are starting with G Day since it's a rainy inside kind of day! We also aren't taking a big trip this year, so this year's list includes some 'bigger' items for weekend-trips and stay-cation fun. Find more ideas here: A to Z Summer Fun

An afternoon with Mrs. Long

Baking Day

Cinema visit

Driving with Dad (take us to an empty parking lot and let us drive); Donuts

Edible Paper (make)

Finding Diamonds @ Diamond Crater State Park

Games! Games! Games!

Helping at Convoy of Hope (July)

Ice Cream (homemade)

Japanese Stroll Garden Relaxing Day

Kayaking @ Lake Springfield (or in Arkansas)

Library Program and/or visit

Movie Day

Neighbors Over

Outing with Henry

Pizza Picnic at the Park with Pop

Quick! Run from the water balloons!

Runway (buy new school clothes and show them off); Rainbow Making

Six Flags with Stolls

Treasure Hunt

Upcycle Craft Day

Venture to the Lake

Water Fun @ Republic Pool

Xmas Day – Celebrate Christmas in July

Yogurt (the frozen kind) and Yoga

Zone Visit (Sky Zone that is!)

I like her growing up!

I often use hashtags like #yearsflyingby #growinguptoofast #timepleaseslowdown #nopausebutton -- I feel this. Every day. I love being a momma. I love these years. I don't want them to end.

And yet I do. Because I like watching my girls grow up. I like seeing them discover this world, to enjoy relationships, and be all who God created them to be.  If they never grew up, I wouldn't get the joy of experiencing all these bittersweet moments of motherhood. 

I just had to pause on this cloudy Saturday morning, while Mike and our girls are watching yet another episode of Star Trek Next Generation, and record one such incident.

Last year, and at the beginning of this year, Morgan use to dread, I mean absolutely dread, going to school on pep assembly days.  She had this paralyzing fear that she would be called to the front of the school and have to participate in the assembly in front of everyone.  (All of us true introverts just said amen!) But for her, it was intense. She would actually beg me to let her stay home from school on pep assembly days.  And I had to remind her how she had begged me in kindergarten to stay home from school on field day because of these same fears, and yet she came home saying it was her best day ever.  Then  I'd send her off with a prayer whispered upward.

Well yesterday, she performed with her color guard team at the pep assembly!! Yes.She.Did. And then, after school she tried out for the high school color guard team which means she will be performing in front of large audiences this coming year if she makes the team!

This 'growing up' of hers makes my heart sing and dance in a hundred shades of happiness. 

I will also add, that a couple of weeks ago the youth had a march madness night - and even on the way to church she was like "I am NOT going to be on a team for games" -- and after she got home... "Guess what mom, our team WON and I actually participated in a relay in front of everyone - it was awesome!!" Growth. It's a beautiful thing.

Spring is here. She is blossoming. Life is beautiful. I love this season we are in.

And if I couldn't be proud enough already...

Everyday Life & The Moon

Mike has taken the girls to an all day boater safety class - which leaves me a glorious day to myself! :) Well this is my 2nd day, since I had yesterday off too. But yesterday I had to make 9 orders in my etsy shop and do laundry, and pay bills.  And today I'm spending a chunk of the day doing taxes. But still it's 'my day'! :) And I'm trying NOT to think about the fact the girls will actually be driving the boat this summer!! gulp.

Yesterday, Morgan was so excited when she came home from school -- she got all the info to choose her classes for HS next year!!  I enjoyed sitting on the couch with her for 45 minutes reviewing it all, listening to her dreams and desires about her future. I am still in denial that she is this old already, but doing my best to embrace it and enjoy the moments it holds. BTW, she's definitely interested in a science field right now and is super excited she gets to take two honors classes next year - she already had her teacher's signatures of approval! She is on the ball!

Sarah is turning 12 in 4 more days. She thinks it's funny to remind me. Because I make a big deal of it - 12?! 12! How is this possible? You can't be 12 yet! :) Seriously, she can't be! She recently finished the Harry Potter Series - she read all 6 books in like 6 weeks. She averaged 80 pages a day (I made her do the math - I think she may have rolled her eyes at me - but I like dorky facts like that!) And for her birthday she can think of nothing she wants.  She still has Christmas money she hasn't spent.  I love how she is just content, happy in the moment, happy with what she has. After two weeks of asking what she wants, she finally came in this morning and told me -- Mom, I finally know what I want, a new hairbrush!! She makes me think extra hard to find a great gift for her! :)

photo source: unknown

And lastly, I've been wanting to write about the moon, ever since it took my breath away earlier this week -- and several other times this week -- it's been beautiful! (And I can appreciate a full moon even more now that I'm no longer subbing! ;) )

I turned the corner, and I gasped, was that the moon rising over the tree tops? How could it possibly look so enormous? Did it really have a pink hue too it, as the equally breathtaking winter sunset was reflecting off it? I wanted to chase it down, I didn't want to go down the hill and watch it disappear.  After I finally emerged on the other side of the valley and the trees, it was still beautiful, but it had risen more, and there it was now - a brilliant white shinning down on this earth, reflecting light for all to see.

In that moment, I had this thought. The moon doesn't make it's own light. It simply relfects the sun's light.  As Christians, isn't this true for us? We don't make our own light, but the more we turn towards the Son, the more we are able to reflect His light (and love and hope) onto this earth. And I was reminded that is what I want, for others to see Him when they look at my life. That is my prayer. My #discovery for this week.

Dear Sleep, I miss you!

Dear Sleep, Why have you left me? Where have you gone? I LOVE YOU and I really really wish you'd return to me.  I'm not too fond of my friend Mr. Insomnia.  Hey, I tell you what, it's the weekend, let's get reconnected! What do you say? You in?! Love, me

Seriously, it's been quite a week. Some long days and even longer sleepless nights.  But in the midst of it all, there is this...

Back when I was still bottle feeding Morgan, I still remember what one of the moms in my bible study shared - I don't remember her name, but I remember her words. They went something like this: when my kids get home, I try to take a little bit of the harshness and realities of the world away. I've also heard it said something like this: home should be a safe place to land.  And that is what I've tried to do within the four walls of our house...to make it a home, a place where my girls feel safe, loved unconditionally, and want to be!

Well you know what I've discovered this week? That this home has been a safe place for me to land this week.  At the end of a very long day Wednesday - I dropped girls off at school at 7am and didn't return from work til 6pm - I came home to Mike having made me my Chicken and Wild Rice Soup (since we finally got some more wild rice after Duke decided to steal the last delivery of rice off the front porch and scatter it in the yard!) and Morgan had made her frosted brownies from scratch.

Then last night, I came home to dinner coming out of the oven again, followed by an evening filled with pure silliness and tons of laughter pouring through the rooms of our home. I mostly laid on the couch and did complete a few etsy orders (speaking of which - I got my DBA, tax ID and checking account set up finally this past week for my etsy store - since this has become more than just a hobby and the orders keep coming in! yay!)  I paused in my exhaustion and cherished that which is "home". 

Also, in the message last Sunday, we were challenged to ask others "what's it like on the other side of me?" You know, how do others really see me -- how do I make them feel?  I still want to ask a few friends who I know will be honest with me, but I asked Mike and the girls this week.

Mike informed me that he likes both sides of me! ;) (And I'll keep the rest of his insight private.)  

Morgan said that she likes how I  always look for the positive in things and how even though it's annoying, she likes how I don't let them rot their brain watching TV and make them do other things, and that I give them 'jobs' so that they will be responsible when they grow up! Even though she did say I was 'cheap' and not paying them enough for jobs around the house!  Umm, I confess, it's true.

Sarah said she likes how I care about other people, that I'm loving and she thinks I do a good job providing the right kind of discipline when they need it. (Mike says that means I'm too easy on them -- but we all know he's the softy!)

I don't know how I got these amazing kids, but I'm so glad to be their momma and share this journey with their amazing dad! 

I know they won't always see things so positively, being that we have several teenage years ahead, but for this week, I'll treasure their responses and use them as a confirmation that despite all the times I yell and feel like I screw up as a mom, and find myself crying because I don't know what to do, that maybe, just maybe, I'm doing something right!

And lastly, there are these two who melt my heart...

Discover: My One Word for 2015

My word for 2015 is DISCOVER. Here's some of the random thoughts about this word going through my head after a sleepless night of pondering it last night.  I'm sure it will look different as the year plays out, but here's my starting point.

• Most importantly I want to discover, or better, REdiscover God.  I want to be awed by the God of the universe - by His majesty, His greatness, His love. I don't want to take my relationship with Him for granted. I want to rediscover this amazing God!
• I want to discover new ways to connect with my growing girls.  Morgan will be entering HS this year (do you know how hard it is to type those words?!) and Sarah is in MS -- I need to keep my eyes open for ways to stay connected to them while at the same time inspiring their independence. A fine balance to discover. 
• Mike and I started this last month, but we want to continue to discover new restaurants in Downtown Springfield with a weekly lunch date now that we are both working downtown.
• I'd like to discover just how strong my body really is and push myself to better health, flexibility and strength. To discover that my body is stronger than I realize. (This may be the hardest!) 
• I want to discover my position in my new job - it's a position that is being created and evolving and I know it will look a lot different by the end of this year than it looks now. 
• Here's another REdiscover... I want to rediscover my love for writing. I have barely wrote anything, private or public this past year. 
• I want to discover a new 'look' for me... to reinvent my wardrobe over the coming year. (Maybe this is the beginning of my mid-life crisis?! ha!) But seriously, do you know how many clothes in my drawers are ones I had 15 years ago?! It's time to discover something new. 
• Discover new trails, maybe even a new place, new places to replenish my soul. 

2014 In Review

A few “Milestones” of 2014…

• We celebrated our 20^th Anniversary in Bar Harbor, Maine. How is this possible?! #yearsflyingby
• Longest road trip ever! (3800 miles in 17 days – DC, Philly, Boston, Maine & Hershey!)
• Became a two dog family, Duke became Daisy’s little bro in August. He’s a great personal trainer for Daisy!  
• Morgan turned 13. 8^th grade.  She ran cross country this fall and is currently doing color guard. She plays clarinet.  She makes straight A’s and is taking advanced science and math classes.  She was inducted as a member of National Jr. Honor Society.
• Sarah started Middle School and she too gets straight A’s. She’s 11 and in 6^th grade. She’s been learning to play the flute. She LOVES reading, currently working on the Harry Potter series. 
• Girls still love swim team during the summer months.
• Cathy has enjoyed continued success in her etsy shop: www.CelebratingTheMoment.etsy.com  -- she also  published an ebook this past Spring called A to Z Summer Fun on amazon.com.
• We all volunteer Sundays at church, and once a month, Cathy and the girls do a craft night at a crisis maternity home with the moms. We’ve also supported Casa Adalia in Ecuador, a safe home for girls rescued from slavery.  

We don’t know what 2015 will bring, but we are thankful we don’t journey this lifetime alone. We wish you much joy and happiness in the coming year!

Together

What a summer! What a week! Wish I had captured more of summer in my blog, but obviously (hello, last entry June 17th!), I did not. From celebrating my nephew's graduation, to Morgan becoming a teen, to an amazing swim team season, to our incredible 17 day road trip on the East Coast, to the lazy days of doing crafts and hanging with my girls - it was good.

Road Trip 2014

And this week -- Sarah's half birthday (11 and a half!), Back to School (both girls in Middle School this year!), Our 20th Anniversary, 3 job interviews (what, oh what, do I want to 'do' with my life?!), and family pictures to capture the beauty of this season of our life.

Back to School, 6th & 8th Grade

On Tuesday I broke down sobbing. I mean sobbing for over an hour.  It was a good cry. I need those every now and then.  My heart has been full this week.

25 years ago, Steven Curtis Chapman wrote a song called "I will be here" - it's been 'our' song through our dating and marriage years.  And recently, well he wrote a new love song for his wife called 'Together' -- and listening to it again moved me to sobbing tears . You can listen here:


You see, there have been some really dark days in our marriage.  Of grieving, and giving each other space to grieve in their own way, two years into our marriage when Mike's mom and sister were murdered.  To my ongoing struggle with depression, which peaked as postpartum after Sarah was born and I would cry in the morning begging him not to leave for work. We've had our spats and disagreements about needs and wants, about intimacy and finances. We've been selfish. We've definitely had our moments in the past 20 years.

But what we know now in our marriage, in our lives, that we get to share with our beautiful daughters, is JOY! Love, happiness, blessings - these words describe this season of our lives.  And I couldn't be more grateful.  How did we get to this place?

I think Steven Curtis Chapman captures it in this song.

And if it wasn’t for God’s mercy and His grace
There’s no way we would be standing in this place
But because He has been faithful
Every step along the way
Here we are together

It's because God has been faithful, because He has shown us mercy and grace, that we have healed, we have worked through our deepest darkest days and our selfishness.  It's because of Him that we are in this beautiful season of joy...together!  

And for all the days yet to come, whether they bring more joy or more pain, we are thankful that we share it...together.

20 Years!! 

Acadia National Park, Maine (20th Anniversary Getaway)

ps -  if you need some encouragement, I have absolutely LOVED Steven Curtis Chapman's newest album, Glorious Unfolding.  His songs are authentic, real, yet full of hope and beauty. You won't be disappointed if you download it. 

A to Z Summer *ART* Fun

Finally got our list finalized today for our A to Z Summer *ART* fun. Inspired of course by pinterest! :)

It was a beautiful morning to get started too with acrylic painting outside on the deck!

Our A to Z Summer *ART* Fun:

A Acrylic Painting
B Build Sculptures (clay)
C Cupcake Decorating
D Drawing Outside
E Etching Glass
F Furniture Decorating
G Groovy (tye dye) t-shirts (ombre)
H Homemade Sidewalk Chalk
I Illustrate (Shel Silverstien poems?)
J Jewelry Making
K Kindness Day (make art to give away)
L Look thru the Lens (forced photography)
M Messy Art
N Nature Art
O Origami
P Paper Mache
Q Quote Art
R Recycle Project
S Scrapbooking
T Thread & Needle Creation
U Upcycle Creation (with brown paper bags?)
V Vanish Point Drawings / Village Pottery
W Weaving
X Xplore Calligraphy and Font Making
Y Yummy Art
Z Zany Fun with book folding(?)

Growing Pains (in my momma heart!)

I'm still amazed at how fast these years are flying by.  These sweet, beautiful years, refuse to slow down.  In the last 24 hours, my momma heart has been filled with bittersweet tugs.

Yesterday I found Morgan crying in my bed.  Why? Because she was trying to finish reading The Outsiders, and the words on the page so moved and touched her, she couldn't stop crying to read the words to finish the story.  Oh how I love that words have penetrated her heart in this beautiful way.  

Today was my last lunch with Sarah at her school.  She has 1 and a half days of school left, and she will venture onto Middle School.  The problem with having my girls so close together is how each stage is full, then so quickly over. The days of elementary school are over for us.  And yes, my eyes fill with tears as I type this words.  They've been good years.  Not how I exactly pictured them, but good none the less.  And so very beautiful.

Last night Sarah mowed the entire front lawn by herself.  I'm amazed at how capable she is of these seemingly 'grownup' tasks.

Morgan's introverted self has struggled with middle school friendships this year (oh, how I can relate!). But she has excelled in academics.  The end of the year has brought much joy as we celebrate her being accepted in NJHS, and her teachers recommending her for algebra and advanced science next year.  She works so hard, and it's so nice to see others recognize her efforts.

Sarah's Night at the Museum.
Pocahontas.
"Sisters" 

We have 5 summers left with Morgan and 7 with Sarah.  You better believe we will fill them with as much happiness and memories as we can!  Can't wait for our 3500 mile road trip this summer!! (DC, Philly, Boston, Maine, and Hershey!)

Sarah's first 5K! 5.31.14
"Fierce"

Swim Team Practice has begun again!
Mike and I get beautiful sunsets to enjoy while they swim! 

Here are a few more of my thoughts on these fleeting years. http://www.thegoodstuffguide.com/years-flying-by/