It makes a tear slip out of the corner of my eye.
It whispers in my ear, attempting to convince me, "you aren't good enough."
It makes me text Mike, "Dumb is... dreaming dreams."
To which he responds, "Dumb is...not dreaming dreams." And so okay, maybe I agree with him.
You see this week I wanted to be celebrating. Celebrating having my story selected to be included in a crowd-published book releasing next week. Celebrating being chosen and hired back into social work profession, at a job that seemed perfectly designed for me.
And, it hurts. Even though I don't want it to have influence over me, it does.
I do believe God has put these dreams in my heart, for a reason.
I do believe that He has given me gifts, talents, abilities, passions and compassion, for today, and for tomorrow.
I believe He is writing the story of my life. And when I face rejection, I can trust, that even though I don't know what the future holds, I do know who holds the future.
It's my job to keep trusting. To persevere. To get up one more time and try again. To take a risk. To put myself out there. Even if it's hard.
Last week, laying awake in the middle of the night, asking God, "Is life going to get crazy? If I take a full-time job, will life just be insane?" and somewhere, caught between awake and asleep, I heard these words whispered into my soul, "Life is about to get even more beautiful." That is the voice I'm trusting through this rejection. This process of growing. This journey of living.
My life is quite beautiful already, so I'm excited to see what 'even more' awaits!
(I would also add to this list, Dr. Suess was rejected 27 times before having his writing published.)
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2 comments:
I'm sorry, friend. :( Being "redirected" is painful, no matter what it looks like it. I think of the times in my life when God has said, "no" and "wait", and I just wanted the "yes" then...but somehow there was beauty during the waiting, too. (Though it didn't feel like it at the time.) I know that will be true for this season for you, too. Praying and sending hugs...your story is beautiful, and I know He will do something incredible with it. :)
I'm with you in the rejection pile, Cathy! It was initially hard, but you are right. We are in excellent company. The trusting piece can be so humbling, and growing the patience so difficult. I have no doubt it is all for good. I look back on that time of unemployment and the job I then was so joyful to get, only to be more miserable than ever.
I didn't realize I was hanging on so tight to the wrong and mediocre place, that God needed something drastic to pry me loose. I am flooded with gratitude again as I write this, and think how amazing it is I am here writing and encouraging, and especially that I got to be part of the GSDT.
Carry on, dear friend, and know that our God is a good God, and remember this:
For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.
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