Fully Living...to Fully Die

Not sure where this blog post is going to go...a million thoughts floating in and out of my head this morning.

I know I shouldn't have, but I went to bed last night dreading today. I'm stuck home with no car and it's suppose to only be in the 50s today (and after 80s two days ago... I'm not pleased with this fact) and it's suppose to rain all day.  But as the girls rushed out the door for the bus...unexpected sunshine greeted me as I opened the door.

I was suddenly pleased I had no place I had to be today. So, I made myself some hot cocoa, grabbed my robe and then sat on my front porch step, soaking up the rays of sunshine spilling out of the blue sky down on me. Thankful for the alcove of protection my porch walls were offering from the 42 wind chill.  And I talked to God, thanking him for all the signs of Spring I saw around me. Pondering and thanking him for Good Friday and Easter. I decided to grab my bible and I read a few chapters. I read about a leper pausing to say thanks.

Then I grabbed my camera. Lately I've been noticing other's photos... and if I'm completely honest, I'm been a bit *envious* of their cameras that can capture such gorgeous pictures.  I have a simple automatic zoom digital camera. It's easy and convenient - but lately I've been noticing, it doesn't capture the details I see. And it's made me a bit envious.  But I decided, I do have a camera, and I need to take pictures to capture what it can.

I LOVE all the green that is surrounding my back deck again!

Here is a view from my front porch step this morning.
So many shades of green already appearing. 

I then came inside and crawled onto Morgan's bed. Her room is the only room that has sunshine pouring through it in the morning. And I've been laying here for the past 45 minutes, reading Ann VosKamp's book One Thousand Gifts, seizing these unexpected gifts of sunshine and silence and time for reflection.

In her book she asks the question, how do we live fully so we are fully ready to die? Because face it, one day we will all die. How do we live fully alive with every breath we are given?  She talked about two stories. The last supper and  and the story of the leper. (Kinda interesting that I was already thinking on Easter this morning and had just read the story of the leper in Luke 17 this morning). She says "With an expiration of less than twelve hours, what does Jesus count as all most important?" 'And he took bread, gave thanks and broke it, and gave it to them...' (Luke 22:19)" When facing the hardest moment of his life, he gave thanks. And as for the leper, God healed him, he came back and said thanks, and then God said, your faith has healed you.  He fully experienced the miracle of the moment, because he paused to say thanks.

Ann's book asks, and I am asking, is it in living a life full of thanksgiving that we can truly fully live? The wonder of life, of God, of living... isn't 'out there' to find 'one day' - rather, it's to be found, 'right here' and 'right now' in this moment. So before these final rays of sunshine leave this room, and I'm caught up in daily chores, I am going to go and add a few more things to my list of 1000 gifts.