Happy Medium

So I'm trying to find that happy medium between being busy and not being too busy where I can't enjoy life. I'm adding a lot to my calendar this Fall, but I'm looking forward to it. Getting involved in church again (excited about a new small group), volunteering with a couple of new organizations, being a girl scout leader, and working full time. It should keep me plenty busy...I just hope not too busy. My commitments are only twice a month each, so I don't think it will be too bad. I've enjoyed this past year of replenishing and not being so involved, but I'm also looking forward to this new season of busy. It won't last forever. I'm still hoping my weekends involve a lot of 'down' time enjoying Mike and the girls and being together as family...of treasuring what's most important to me. And even though I've been busy lately, I've noticed a lot of laughter in my days, and that feels good. I've also been singing this song this past week..."Life's a dance, you learn as you go, sometimes you lead, sometimes you follow..." I'm definitely entering a season of leading and it feels right and good.

Sleepy ramblings

I should so be sleeping right now...but I just can't. Lots on my mind. School back in session. Trying to figure out where all I should invest my time...besides working, being a wife and a mom...girl scouts? church? other causes I'm passionate about? how much time should I devote to these things? And my body is so sore...skiing and tubing were a blast yesterday...and today, well today, I'm just sore. Wish I could find time to get back to the gym. Perhaps life will settle back into a routine in a couple of weeks...right now it just feels chaotic. This week alone we have parent meetings at school, meeting with surveyor and also with builder (about deck), dog getting spade, following up on volunteer opportunity, meeting with guy from church about volunteering, gymnastics, need to meet up with photographer to finalize our order for family pictures, connect me event at church, and Mike wants to go camping this weekend...which sounds great, just no idea when I'm going to be able to get ready. And I'm not really complaining... this life I get to live is wonderful... it's just that sometimes when I'm in the midst of it, I just wish I could hit the pause button! :)

And why did Morgan have to ask me today on the way to school... "Mom, if you could be doing any job, what would you do?" That's just made me think way too much! :) So I asked them what job they think I would be good at. And Sarah (my daughter who is always thinking outside of the box! - seriously, her answers ALWAYS surprise me!) answers, "I think you'd be a great stuffed animal maker!" It's made me laugh all day. So I'm thankful for both my girls... one who makes me pause and think about deeper issues and the other who makes me laugh!

Better than Dreams....Reality

So if you would have asked me on my wedding day how I'd be celebrating my 15th anniversary...I probably would have answered something like, at a cabin in the mountains, on a cruise ship, at the very least a nice dinner out. So, how did I spend my anniversary?

Well I woke up in our own bed, to Mike snoring at 4 in the morning...think his sinuses are acting up right now. It's a new thing, so I'm hoping its temporary. He left for work at 5:30. Girls brought me breakfast in bed, complete with picked clover flowers from our yard (yes, our yard is more green weeds than grass!). I lingered in bed, played on the laptop....trying to convince myself to get up and face the mountain of laundry from our trip to Michigan. Finally got all 9 loads washed and folded. Mike stopped by the store on the way home to pick up the butter I needed to bake a cake for my meeting the next day, he got home...I realized I was out of oil too...he went back to the store for me...with a willing heart and a smile! Girls came back from playing at friend's house, got on their gymnastics outfits and we stopped by Sonic for dinner...got burgers, coney dogs, tots and coke for our anniversary dinner. Dropped the kids off at gymnastics, went to the park and spent 15 minutes writing letters to each other on our 15th anniversary (no cards, no gifts...just priceless words!). We lingered a bit at the park, dreamed of winning the lotto that we have never in our lives have played...but hey, if we did, we could spend our days volunteering together....did my husband really say that...after 15 years, he really would like to spend every day, all day with ME?! (Is he sure about that?! :)). Picked the girls up, went to Kohls to buy frames for our family pictures, and a new mixer since ours caught fire when I was making the cake earlier. Finished our evening by stopping at Andy's Frozen Custard with the girls...yummy! Got the girls in bed...then cuddled up in bed ourselves. Yes, living the reality of life is sometimes better than the dreams we once made!

15 Years and Counting

15 Years ago I married my best friend and the best part? 15 years later I'm still married to my best friend! Sometimes it just feels like yesterday when I said "I do" and yet when I look back, we've needed 15 years for all we've done together! Here are some of the 'moments' we've shared:

• Both graduated from college
• Lived 9 different places (5 different towns)
• Became parents of two beautiful daughters
• Grieved the loss of Mike's mom and sister and five grandparents
• Welcomed 9 nieces and nephews into our lives
• Purchased a boat, I learned to waterski, he learned to wakeboard
• Discovered we liked mountain biking, Frisbee golf and geocaching
• Owned 4 cars (cavalier, taurus, xterra and suburban)
• Owned 3 tents, lost track of number of camping trips
• Owned two dogs, one hamster and one turtle
• Traveled to/thru 16 states, (MI, MO, OK, IN, IL, WI, MI, OH, PA, NY, VA, TN, KY, NC, KS, CO plus Canada & Mexico)
• Attended five churches (dozens more visited)
• 7 jobs for me, 2 for Mike (plus temporary jobs)
• Only debt is our mortgage

Then there are all the those little things shared that weave into the fabric of life. So I wonder how many times we've:

• eaten ice cream cones
• taken walks
• watched movies
• shared meals
• travelled to visit family
• stolen kisses
• told jokes
• shared laughter
• argued and made up
• found a middle ground
• gone on picnics
• roasted marshmallows
• he held me as I cried
• made love
• enjoyed silent moments
• been grateful for this life that we call "ours"!

How blessed I am to share life's amazing journey with Mike!

Heather's Birthday

Today, my sister-in-law, should be celebrating her 35th birthday. She should still have her whole life ahead of her. How sad her life was ended at only age 22. I wonder if she would have fell in love, if she would have had kids. I wonder if she had dreams she would have pursued. I wonder if she'd still love eating fajitas and playing phase 10. I bet she'd still make me laugh until my sides hurt. I miss her. I know I shouldn't really be sad when she's spending eternity in Heaven...the past 13 years have been wonderful for her...and yet I still get a lump in my throat when I pause and miss her.

Also, look at this amazing coincidence:

Morgan's birthday (6/19) is the day before Mike's brother Jeff's birthday (6/20)
Sarah's birthday (2/11) is the day before Mike's brother Ken's birthday (2/12)
and now our newest niece, Meghan (7/22) birthday is the day before Mike's sister Heather's birthday (7/23)

Happy Birthday Heather!

Extreme Makeover: Home Edition

So every Sunday night the girls and I cuddle up on the couch and watch Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. Mike has his football...we have Makeover. I love this time and look forward to it every week. So I was thrilled when I heard they were coming to our area. I tried to volunteer, but wasn't chosen...bummer. But the girls and I still got to the big reveal today and shout "Move That Bus!" We had to wait 7 hours in the rain and we really couldn't see much...but we were there! And hey, we might even make it on the show, as the cameras scanned the crowd by us several times! We'll see. It's suppose to air sometime in October. We even got to listen to Ashley Tisdale perform today (she plays Sharpay in High School Musical). They girls were excited about that, but disappointed she had brown hair instead of Blond today. :) We got to see Michael, Paige and Ty from Extreme Makeover which was cool too! We even made the evening news. You can see it at: http://www.ky3.com/home/video/51348352.html - with my big line "we brought ponchos and umbrellas". :)

On a bitter sweet note...I noticed Morgan "growing up" before my eyes today. She liked the ponchos we made until we got there...then she didn't like the attention..."Why is everyone looking at us?". She thought I was talking too loud on my cell phone today. What, my daughter who has 2 levels...off and loud...thought I was too loud on my phone?! It was the first time I think I "embarrassed" her. It was a strange moment. I'm sure it will be the first of many. I guess I can't be "cool" forever! :)

All in all today, I think it will be a fun memory as the years go by...remember when we sat in the rain for 7 hours to yell "Move that Bus!" :)

Morning

One thing I love about summers are lazy mornings. I dislike the chaos of the mornings during the school year. I like letting my girls sleep until they are rested and their bodies say "time to get up". It's 9:00 and Sarah is still sleeping. Morgan and I are sitting here in my bed still, both playing on laptops. Still in our pjs. Got a few ideas for the day, but nothing is set in stone yet. Hard to believe there is only one more month left of summer vacation...but I'm sure it will be as fun as the last 2, it's just going, going, gone too fast!

One Year Reflections

Where has this past year gone? One year ago we were sitting in a new house, in a new town, starting over, trying to get painting done before the moving truck arrived with our "stuff". Here we are a year later, moving on with life. Things I'm thankful for this past year...

• The easy transition the girls made
• Finding a job at the schools which allows me to be home when the girls are
• Mike continues to enjoy his job at the crime lab and actually enjoys the challenges that arise with his new position
• I'm still married to the greatest husband who is the bestest daddy ever!
• Good neighbors, new friendships growing
• Northpoint Church
• A new puppy
• A quieter year for reflection
• I'm still in awe that the God of the Universe has time to meet me in the quiet places of my soul

New beginnings are hard, but they also allow for the opportunity to experience new things, meet new people, grow wiser, and in the end be reminded of all that is really important in life. So if I ever have to pick up and start over again, I hope I can do it with a smile, but for now, I'm going to enjoy the peaceful feeling of calling this place "home".

Thinking Out Loud

Well June has been a fun-filled, busy-filled month. Our good friends came and visited, we've been camping and boating, we've gone to Wisconsin to visit Mike's brother's family, and celebrated Morgan's 8th birthday with a slumber party. Lots of good times and good memories! Here's a few pictures of Morgan's birthday.

Despite all that, last week I was really struggling with my depression...unmotivated, crying, down. When I look at my life, there really is no reason I should be struggling with depression. I have so much going for me; I'm smart (after all, I did graduate Summa Cum Laude from college); after 15 years of marriage, my husband still thinks I'm hot and enjoys spending time with me; I have 2 beautiful daughters that I was able to be at home with during their younger years and my job now allows me the summers with them; lately I've stopped finding my worth/value within church and found a deeper relationship with God in the process; being frugal and working hard has allowed us the opportunity to live in a nice house, take vacations and let our girls participate in activities like Horse Camp this week. So when I look at all that, I wonder...why do I struggle with depression? It makes me really angry and then even more depressed actually. I called my good friend and asked her if I'll have to spend my whole life struggling with this? Told her I wish I could be one of those people who go thru life without struggling with depression...and she reminded me, that everyone has their own struggle, it just looks different. It reminded me of Paul talking about God giving him a thorn in his flesh. Here's what The Message bible says about it: (2 Cor 12)

"I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down, what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. 3 times I did that, and then he told me, 'My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into it's own in your weakness.' Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness."

I wish I could say that I am "appreciating this gift of depression", I'm not. I'm still begging God to remove it! And yet, is it true, can Christ's strength shine thru my depression somehow? I also considered this verse, "Satan's angel did his best to get me down"...is this a spiritual battle, one I must fight in prayer on my knees? Is it Satan's way of keeping me from experiencing all that God wants for me? And so the journey continues...

Nicholas Sparks Quote

"Though he didn't dwell on those events from long ago, he didn't avoid thinking about them, either. He could no more erase that chapter of his life than he could change his birthday. While there were times when he wished he could roll back the clock and erase all the sadness, he had a hunch that if he did so, the joy would be diminished as well. And that was something he couldn't contemplate."

I couldn't agree more! (taken from: At First Sight)