Monday, June 22, 2009

Thinking Out Loud

Well June has been a fun-filled, busy-filled month. Our good friends came and visited, we've been camping and boating, we've gone to Wisconsin to visit Mike's brother's family, and celebrated Morgan's 8th birthday with a slumber party. Lots of good times and good memories! Here's a few pictures of Morgan's birthday.

Despite all that, last week I was really struggling with my depression...unmotivated, crying, down. When I look at my life, there really is no reason I should be struggling with depression. I have so much going for me; I'm smart (after all, I did graduate Summa Cum Laude from college); after 15 years of marriage, my husband still thinks I'm hot and enjoys spending time with me; I have 2 beautiful daughters that I was able to be at home with during their younger years and my job now allows me the summers with them; lately I've stopped finding my worth/value within church and found a deeper relationship with God in the process; being frugal and working hard has allowed us the opportunity to live in a nice house, take vacations and let our girls participate in activities like Horse Camp this week. So when I look at all that, I wonder...why do I struggle with depression? It makes me really angry and then even more depressed actually. I called my good friend and asked her if I'll have to spend my whole life struggling with this? Told her I wish I could be one of those people who go thru life without struggling with depression...and she reminded me, that everyone has their own struggle, it just looks different. It reminded me of Paul talking about God giving him a thorn in his flesh. Here's what The Message bible says about it: (2 Cor 12)

"I was given the gift of a handicap to keep me in constant touch with my limitations. Satan's angel did his best to get me down, what he in fact did was push me to my knees. No danger then of walking around high and mighty! At first I didn't think of it as a gift, and begged God to remove it. 3 times I did that, and then he told me, 'My grace is enough; it's all you need. My strength comes into it's own in your weakness.' Once I heard that, I was glad to let it happen. I quit focusing on the handicap and began appreciating the gift. It was a case of Christ's strength moving in on my weakness."
I wish I could say that I am "appreciating this gift of depression", I'm not. I'm still begging God to remove it! And yet, is it true, can Christ's strength shine thru my depression somehow? I also considered this verse, "Satan's angel did his best to get me down" this a spiritual battle, one I must fight in prayer on my knees? Is it Satan's way of keeping me from experiencing all that God wants for me? And so the journey continues...

1 comment:

Eri said...

Definitely a spiritual battle! Keep looking to the the Message translation. I will be praying too. And your friend was right, we ALL struggle with something.