What Matters Most

Several years ago, when I attended a Hearts At Home conference, I heard Mary Byers speak. I've been on her mailing list ever since. Sometimes I read her emails, sometimes I don't, depending on how busy I am when they arrive. Today I paused to read her words and they spoke to me. I wanted to blog about them, so I can reflect again on them later. She wrote:

That's my message to you this month: as your children change, you need to change, too. Partly to be what they need as they grow, but also to be the woman God created you to be. It doesn't serve our children well if we hold ourselves back.

Spring is a time of renewal and new growth. As we enter this season, I encourage you to pause, close your eyes, and ask, "What matters most?" Not just for your children, but for you as well.

I think I need to spend some quiet time reflecting on these thoughts.

Morgan

Morgan and I hung out tonight. We had the best dinner of ever (her words)...tacos and cheesy fiesta potatoes from Taco Bell. We decided to call it our 'Convoy dinner' and eat it every time we volunteered at Convoy of Hope.

Tonight we went and packaged beans at Convoy of Hope. The beans are being sent to both Haiti and Chile to help earthquake victims. As we were leaving she said "That was a lot of fun." Yes, my daughter, it was a lot of fun hanging out with you and helping others!

I also just had to say that Morgan wrote a note on a napkin and hid it in my lunchbox today. It said, "Mom I love you. I hope you are having a fun day today. Love, Morgan" Oh, sweetie, you are so thoughtful!

Thursday I'm going to be the mystery reader in her class and I'm looking forward to surprising her! I love sharing life with her. Morgan, my life is fuller because you are a part of it!

Valentine's Fun

Ok, Call me old-fashioned, but I still like to make our valentine day cards for school. In the past, we've made caterpillars with pencils, butterflies with smarties, and just plain ole' heart ones too. This year, we made 'lotto tickets'. The kids had lots of fun scratching off their ticket to reveal messages like "U R a-lotto fun!"; "U R a winner!"; "Friends like you are worth more than a million dollars!". To make them you mix 2T Metallic Acrylic paint and 1T dish soap. Spread on contact paper (with foam brush), let dry and repeat 2 more times. Then cut out your shape and place it over the message on the lotto ticket! Fun!

As for their valentine boxes this year, we made 'purses'. We used cereal boxes and decoupaged hearts all over them (1 part Elmer's white glue, 1 part water). I was the official 'heart-cutter-outer' and the girls were the official 'get-our-hands covered in glue' gals. We attached ribbon to the top and viola...valentine purses to collect valentine's in!

You can't see Morgan's shirt, but it says "I love my BFF". When I asked her who her Best Friend Forever is, she said "Sarah!". :) I also like how it looks like Daisy is trying to read Sarah's shirt in this picture! :)

Birthday Ponderings

So every year on my birthday, I ask myself a question like this, "If this was my very last birthday, am I pleased with the life I've lived?" I know this sounds a bit morbid, but it makes me stop and consider my priorities. Reminds me of the good stuff of life. I learned early in my adult life that life isn't something to take for granted. We are never promised a tomorrow. Oh I plan to live a long, full life, to see my kids fall in love, to kiss my grandbabies, to look in Mike's eyes when we are 'old and gray'. But living in a broken world means I'm not promised that. So, if my life were to be over now, has it been 'enough'? Full enough, rich enough, meaningful enough. Here are some of my thoughts, as I've pondered this question today.

Well, I continue to amazed and overwhelmed by the God of Universe, the God of my soul. I continue to seek Him who is both profound and beautiful and am being changed by the simplicity and truth of grace. I have this amazing marriage and while it's easy to be in love with Mike, I'm also proud that we've taken steps to keep our marriage strong and we take time for each other. (Things like pausing in our life to getaway together and finding hobbies to do together...our latest endeavor is training to run a 5k.)

I've given life to two beautiful girls and have no regrets about pausing my career to stay at home with them while they are young and rearranging my life now so that I can spend as much time as possible with them. Yes, I have dreams and careers I'd like to pursue and if I'm blessed to see my 48th birthday, I will still have 20 years before 'retirement' where I can pursue those dreams, after my kids are grown. My biggest fear in dying is that my girls will forget how much I love them. I don't want them to ever not know my love. Oh, I'm still learning how to live in this parenting gap...this gap between the parent I thought I'd be and the reality of what parenting really is. (I think I might have to write more about that someday.)

I take time for extended family...we visit as often as we can, I email, remember special occasions, I call. We have moved several times and I have been blessed with amazing friendships all along life's journey. I feel I do my best to let people know they are special to me... to tell them, write them... to cherish them and let them know they have touched my life. Today I've thought of a few relationships that aren't as 'whole' as I'd like them to be and that makes me sad. I need to consider what steps I need to take to restore those relationships to the life-giving relationships they are meant to be.

No matter what stage of life I've been in, I've found opportunities to give to others. Currently, I am volunteering as a card writer for Parents of Murdered children; as a Girl Scout leader for Sarah's troop; and as a Room mom for Morgan's class. I feel life at a very deep level. I am often moved to tears by the depth of life. If I have any regrets, it's that I'm so serious, such a planner, such a 'rule follower'. Sometimes I wish I could 'throw caution to the wind', I could 'go with the flow' more, I could just 'let go'. But, all in all, I have to say that on this birthday, my life is fuller than I ever dreamed possible when I was a kid and I'm thankful for all 36 years of it!

Quiet Morning Thoughts

The girls and Mike are attending "Pancakes with Pop" this morning at their school. I love that Mike enjoys doing stuff like this with the girls! He is such a great dad! He makes the moment fun and the girls always enjoy their time spent with him. This makes my heart smile too.

So I am enjoying some quiet time. Been listening to my ipod, reading my bible, finishing my bible study, searching for unimportant stuff on the computer, and now writing. I love to write. I wish I had more time to write. Sometimes I think I was born to write. I could easily write every day. In school, I loved essay questions. I enjoy writing thank you notes. I enjoy journaling. and I love blogging.

Well, the garage door just opened, looks like they are home. Time for laughter and chatter to fill this house.

This Week's Mommy Moments

This week there are just so many 'moments' I want to remember. I'm afraid I'm already forgetting some of them. So before any more slip from my mind, I'm writing these down.

• As I am waiting in the pick up line at school, I get tears in my eyes. I don't want these years to end. I could wait in a school pick up line forever, if it means I get to enjoy these years with my girls forever.
• Sarah and I volunteered at Convoy of Hope. We packaged powered milk to send to the earthquake victims in Haiti. I want to remember her giggles, her powdered milk handprints on the boxes we packed, 'cuz she was 'sending her handprint to Haiti!'. I want the words she spoke at the end of the night "it was awesome!" to always be audible in my brain.
• I want to remember the sparkle in Morgan's eyes as she shows Sarah and me the packages she wrapped so beautifully for our upcoming birthdays. And I want to remember the fun she is having keeping the secret of her presents from us.
• I want to remember the warmth of their bodies next to mine as we snuggle on the couch to read books. I don't want to forget being impressed with how well they are reading. Sarah is reading these words that I don't even think she should be able to yet and I'm noticing that Morgan is reading now with more fluency, her reading is 'smoothing out' and sounding more grown-up.

Yes, these are the moments I'll remember all my life. These are the moments I thank God that I'm alive. These are the moments that I'm glad I am a mom.

Passion: Those things that catch your heart

So I've been thinking a lot lately about passion...Webster defines it as, "intense, driving, or overmastering feeling or conviction." I had already been thinking about it lately and then we happen to catch the movie 'Rudy' on tv one evening this week. Talk about passion... wow, Rudy, had passion and it drove him to overcome the odds against him. Did he get discouraged along the way... yes... and yet, he never gave up. His passion kept him moving forward. He also had friends that helped keep that spark alive when challenges came. They reminded him of his passion. He has been an inspiration to thousands of people, all because of this thing called passion.

So my question/thought is this: "Where does one find passion?" "From where does passion come from?" "Where does one find both the vision and the strength to pursue that passion?" I once heard this saying and it's always stuck, "Many things will catch your eye, but only a few will catch your heart...pursue those".

So what things have caught my heart on this journey of life? And from where do I find the strength to pursue those things? And does pursuing one passion (raising my kids to love God and be happy, successful adults and doing so within a strong, happy marriage) mean putting other passions aside for awhile? Or is it possible to pursue more than one passion at a time? If God has placed gifts, dreams, desires within my heart... should I be pursuing them now, or are they just simmering there, waiting for the right time to pursue them? And when will the right time be? Will I know? Am I missing it?

Ultimately, I believe I need to remember to love God and love people... no matter what passion I may or not be pursing. If I am doing that, I believe I will be the most content at the end of my life. And yet right now, sometimes I want passion to arise up within me and give me another dream to pursue.

Glimpses of Eternity

Several years ago I read the book Sacred Romance by John Eldredge. And the one thought from that book that has been transforming my life is from Ecc 3:11, which reads: God 'has also set eternity in the hearts of men.' Pause and think about it... God has placed eternity in our hearts...what does that mean? Eldredge goes on to say that God places eternity in our longings. He says that 'in the heart of every man, woman and child is an inconsolable longing for intimacy, for beauty, and for adventure". It's in these moments (or longings) that we experience eternity. It's in those moments that take our breath away, you know, those moments when we feel totally alive, those moments that leave us speechless, those moments that we wish just wouldn't end... those are the moments where are longings are satisfied... it's there that we receive glimpses of eternity and can begin to understand what eternity will be like.

So this year, more than anything, I hope I pause from my busy-ness and my routines and rest in these moments. Cherish these moments. Let these moments remind me that I was created for so much more than this life. This life is a journey...a journey towards God's heart, where we will forever enjoy 'moments' in eternity! For now I'm thankful for the moments of beauty, intimacy and adventure that I get to experience right now. Moments like looking into my daughter's eyes and knowing that I was part of her creation, moments like my husband stealing a kiss when I wasn't expecting it, moments like flying across the water on skis, moments enjoying sunsets and stargazing, moments lost in laughter. These are the moments I was created for. These are the moments I live for.

Christmas Day

The girls bounded out of bed on Christmas morning and were not disappointed to find their stockings filled. For another year the magic of Santa filled our lives. Morgan loved her Secret Password Journal (voice activated)...she played with it all day and Sarah was excited to get her Candy Jewelry maker and enjoyed making candy necklaces during the day. The morning continued as we opened presents with grandpa and grandma, in their new cozy and spacious living room. Two Wiis were opened, and we laughed as we created our Mii characters. The girls also got marionette dogs which went everywhere with them... well except when we were untangling the strings! Later that day, my sister's family arrived and we enjoyed opening more presents, visiting with each other and had a spaghetti dinner for Christmas... yummy. We got lots of stuff for our boat, so now we will be anxious for boating season to arrive! :) My sister also knitted me a new scarf! My day ended snuggled in Mike's arms... my heart so full of love that the tears spilled out.

Exclamation Mark

Looking back, I wish I would have had more faith when we picked up and moved 18 months ago. I wish I would have had confidence that God would provide. Instead I worried. I fretted. I cried. I complained. I wondered.

Yesterday, was like the exclamation mark for me.

You see, we loved the church we left, and I didn't think we could ever find a home again, when it came to church. But, yesterday, it felt like 'home'...you know, that place where you can be yourself, relax. That place you are meant to be. So I just wanted to pause (even though I have TONS to do during this Christmas season right now) and write down about yesterday. I don't want to forget yesterday.

The day began with what our church calls "2nd Saturday". During the 2nd Saturday of every month, our church partners with local justice organizations and physically serves others in our community. No strings attached, just seeing a need and putting love in action. Yesterday, 500 volunteers showed up to help as we provided over 1,000 people in our community with free toys, haircuts, medical services, a visit with Santa and carnival, and free groceries for Christmas dinner, all on campus of our church. Mike, I and the girls all helped...along with our entire connect.me group.

After that, our connect.me group gathered at a home for pizza and laughter. Following that, we concluded our bible study "pursuing spiritual transformation". What an encouragement it was to hear how God is meeting us and speaking to us about areas of our lives to transform and change. Amazing how when we pause, read the bible, reflect on God's truth, and gather with others who are pursuing the same journey, change begins to happen. I was also encouraged by responses to the question "what can other group members do to move you forward in your spiritual journey?". Some things included...They appreciated the honesty of the group, so we don't feel alone in our struggles. Letting go of independence and focusing on interdependence (letting others help us in our journey). They spoke of how the realness and authenticity of the group encouraged them. And of how growing towards speaking truth and sharing accountability were beneficial. How can life change not happen when you are sharing life's journey with people like this!?!

Our day concluded with another amazing Christmas service. In a church of 4,000, with 5 service times, there are often weekends we don't see anyone we know. But yesterday, our entire group came at the same time and we all sat together and enjoyed the Christmas service together. The quality and excellence that North Point Church values and puts into their services week after week amazes me. You know what else I love is that most weeks, I laugh, cry, ponder and am moved in my soul by the service. It's powerful. God is active, living and touching lives through North Point Church. No wonder it is the 9th fastest growing church in America right now (I think it's only 7 years old). And if all that wasn't enough, after leaving Family Theatre with our kids, what a joy it is to hear "Mom, we loved church tonight!"

Church is all these things...serving others, enjoying relationships, and gathering together to worship and grow closer to the heart of God on this journey called life. Thank you God for the exclamation mark yesterday! And thank you for bringing our family to North Point Church...a place to call home!