Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Strength

I have been thinking about internal strength today. Where does it come from? How does one get it? How can I get more of it in my life? I know I need to exercise. I know I need to eat better. I know I should drink more water and less soda. And yet I have been unable to find the strength within me to begin to change these simple things in my life. While I want these things to be a part of my life, while I see the value of them being in my life...I continue to not change. And then there's the bigger things. Where does one find the strength to begin again? New friendships, new jobs, new seasons of life. Some days depression wells up inside of me...and I can not find the strength I need to move forward. I wish I had this amazing strength that moved me forward, but reality is proving otherwise.

Tonight, the girls are gone with Mike (they are buying my Mother's Day present). And I am enjoying the gift of a quiet evening at home. Reading my bible, reading a book, listening to the christian radio station and blogging. Trying to forget all those things on my "I should..." list and just enjoy the gift of this free time.

The book I'm reading is called Anonymous (by Alicia Britt Chole). Her words seem to capture the feelings of my heart. She writes...

"When you're living the gap between your dreams and life's realities...you're in an anonymous season of the soul."

"Have you ever moved to a new place or entered a new environment where no one know who you were, what you could do, or what dreams ignited your soul? Have you ever crossed the threshold into another season of life, like parenthood or extended studies, where you shifted from recognition to anonymity?"

"Concealed for months or years or decades, our potential seems to hibernate like a bear in winter, and over time we begin to wonder if spring will ever awaken it again."

She goes on to explain in her book how "Jesus' hidden years (anonymous season) empowered him to live an eternally fruitful life." (For 90% of His life he was actually anonymous/ hidden.) Her words are helping me to appreciate this anonymous season and giving me hope! Is that where strength comes from...from hope?

1 comment:

Eri said...

Just saw the pics of your puppy! So adorable! How big will it get? Thanks for your thoughts on "anonymous"...I really hadn't thought of it in that way. When we moved, I just labeled it as lonely, but I think that was part of what made me feel lonely, you know? Sounds like you guys are doing well though. Making this place a real home!