Life

Ok, I may be repeating myself a lot lately in my blog, but as I tell my girls often, "my heart is just full". It will be good to start my job on Monday and not have all this extra time for dwelling!

I keep telling myself...life will just keep getting better. The sweet moments will just keep coming. Even though everything has been changing, and it's made me very sad at times, I continue forward with hope. I really do look forward to discovering the next chapter of my life here on Earth. But today, I just keep asking myself, "Does life really get better than.... cuddling for an extra hour in the morning because, hey, why not?, sitting at the park with your best friends watching your kids play, having tea parties at a table and chair much too small for me, taking naps in the afternoon, reading story after story in our fort made from blankets, and taking the dollies for walks in the park?" Because right now at this moment, sometimes it's hard to imagine life being better than that. I am so thankful to Mike, to God, that I've had these precious years with my girls. I wouldn't trade them for anything! They went by much too quickly, but I'm thankful I did my best to treasure the times when I could!

A Perfect Job

Sometimes I feel like I'm living a dream. Last week when I was going back thru my huge employment folder, I came across a questionarie...and one of the questions was "If you knew you'd die in 6 months, what would you do differently?" You know, other than write a few more letters to my girls and a few others...there's nothing I would change. My life is full of all that important to me and I really feel like I'm living this wonderful dream called my life.

When I heard the Principal tell me the story today of how this position opened up for me... I couldn't help but know it was an answer to my prayers... a perfect job created for me. I've been hired to be a Title I Reading Assistant working with 27 different kindergartners in 4 different classrooms, helping them "catch-up" with the other kiddos. How wonderful that I get to be in investing in young lives...and then even how more wonderful that I get to be here with my own kids, enjoying their lives, when they are at home. Their school hours are my hours. It's perfect. I begin on Monday. I could have started tomorrow, but I needed a few days to finish up a few things!

So why do I find myself in tears now? I think this is the final step in ending this season of my life and a huge step into the new season that has begun for us. I think in a way I'm just grieving the final end of that season and I know soon I'll be celebrating this new season, but first I need a few more tears. I did the same thing when we signed the papers for our new home...left there crying, grieving the final end of our time in Jeff City. And now, two months later, I am enjoying our beautiful new home in this wonderful community of Republic.

Oh yeah, one more thing, last night the girls built a fort and had a "club" which they asked me to be a part of...we had to tell secrets/dreams, share a scary story (about wolves, witches and poison), and then do "homework". It was cute...and fun to be curled up under the pool table laughing with the girls! :) Yes, life is good.

The Garden at the Edge of Beyond

I just finished reading the book "The Garden at the Edge of Beyond" by Michael Phillips. It's a fiction story of a man who dies and arrives at the Garden at the Edge of Beyond. What I liked about this book is that it caused me to pause and consider some of the deeper issues of life...of purpose, of God's will, of a journey that only begins here on Earth, how he pointed out "It is towards childhood that we are all growing." It was a short, quick read, and yet it's words will long be pondered as I consider this gift of my life that I have been given.

Amazed...and Loved

So today's been a rough day...I've been crying off and on...missing friends, tired of 'starting over' once again, the whole job thing I wrote about earlier...so tonight at PTO I am practically in tears...for no reason...crazy, I know. As I'm leaving the PTO I think, I really need to hear the song "Who am I?" by Casting Crowns. Last year this song really spoke to my heart...I listened to it over and over until the girls had it memorized! Then I lost the CD. It's been a long time since I've heard this song, and as I'm pulling into our neighborhood...this song comes on the radio! Yes, I was once again amazed...blown away that the God of the Universe would care enough about me to reach down to me at that moment in time and love me thru this song...oh, what deep love I once again experienced. Yes, despite all my current tears, frustrations...they are all temporary...fleeting, in the light of eternity, in the light of His love. So Who am I? This song captures it so well.

Who am I? That the Lord of all the earth,
Would care to know my name,
Would care to feel my hurt.
Who am I? That the bright and morning star
Would choose to light the way,
For my ever wondering heart.

Not because of who I am, But because of what you've done.
Not because of what I've done, But because of who you are.

Chorus: I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am.
I am yours. I am yours.

Who am I? That the eyes that see my sin
Would look on me with love
And watch me rise again
Who am I? That the voice that calm the sea,
Would call out through the rain,
And calm the storm in me.

Not because of who I am, But because what of you've done.
Not because of what I've done, But because of who you are.

Chorus:I am a flower quickly fading,
Here today and gone tomorrow.
A wave tossed in the ocean,
A vapor in the wind.
Still you hear me when I'm calling,
Lord you catch me when I'm falling,
And you told me who I am.
I am yours.

Whom shall I fear?Whom shall I fear?'
Cuz I am yours. I am yours.

Jobs, Careers and Aaahhh!!

I'm in the middle of filling out 3 job applications...and I'm just getting extremely frustrated by the entire process! I have spent over 1 1/2 hours on just one application! It's ridiculous the questions they ask...I mean who really cares what I made 12 years ago at a job? Besides, it's depressing me to look it up and discover that I made more money 12 years ago than what they are offering to pay for the current jobs I'm applying for! And none of these jobs are jobs that I just dreamed about as a child or even a young adult...oh when I grow up I just want to be Driver Exam Monitor! And yet these positions offer me the opportunity to keep my focus on my kids and continue to enjoy these years with them, while allowing me to earn a little bit of money while they are at school. And yet my heart screams...I want both a job that I love and to keep my focus at home. And so I just find myself in a puddle of tears at the moment...having so much experience and so many gifts, and yet not being able to figure out where to best invest my time. Oh Lord, I need some direction and some wisdom!

Camping

We finally got away camping...2 nights of sleeping outdoors and 2 days spent on the water. Does life get much better than that? I know a lot of people don't like camping...but it replenishes me...there's just something about being in nature that feels energizing, something about it that makes me celebrate the Creator and feel closer to the presence of our God. And I love that my girls love to be outside...that they build houses for the bugs they find, laugh hysterically as they sail across the water on the tube, they delight in a star filled sky and enjoy finding the big dipper. Simple, wonderful moments.

And then our neighbors had a BBQ today and what an enjoyable afternoon we had just relaxing in their backyard, developing new friendships. Yes, simple wonderful moments is what this weekend was filled with.