Excuse me if this blog post is a bit of a mess...it's just me, waking up, with thoughts that kept me awake last night, just trying to sort everything out in my heart...
I feel like I'm sitting on a boat, about to set sail for new land...lets just call it Dreamland, where my dreams become reality. Where I am brave enough to leave the comforts in Now-land, in order to pursue the dreams God has placed in my heart. I mean, He placed them there, right? So I really should not ignore these dreams, right? We are suppose to change and grow, right? I can't always live in Now-land, because then I would never have the foresight to prepare my children for adulthood, nor plan for retirement one day, nor make provisions for if (gasp) Mike might make it to Heaven before me. (This last one is heavy on my heart right now, as a co-worker of Mike's just lost his wife to a heart-attack yesterday. I.can't.even.imagine.) If I always stay in Now-land, then perhaps I might miss the opportunity for God to use me to be an encouragement to others.
Yet, here's why I can't pull anchor and sail away. Part of my heart tells me that the only place to live life is in Now-land. I mean, we are never promised tomorrow. Healthy children get sick. and even die. Car accidents occur. Murders happen. Cancer exists. Heart-attacks happen. (Not trying to sound doom and gloom here. I just know that we live in a broken world.) So doesn't it make sense to make the most of today? To be an influence to those in my life today? Why should I focus on tomorrow? I have today to live. To fill up. To influence. Part of my heart says that if my focus is on sailing towards Dream-land, then I will not be present in Now-land.
So here's where I'm stuck. Is there a way I can live fully in Now-land while at the same time seeking Dreamland? Maybe Dreamland isn't that far away. Maybe, just maybe if I keep walking in Now-land, living today as fully as I can, then I will stumble upon a bridge...and just a few steps across that bridge is the place where my dreams do become reality. Perhaps the bridge lets me live fully in today, and yet gives me the opportunity to skip on over to Dreamland. It's back and forth, something that I can do at the same time? Or maybe not. It's just me pondering here. Wondering. Full of hope, yet full fear. Full of possibility, yet full of questions. Full of dreams, yet full of now. And thankful, I never walk this journey alone. (Thanks, God!)