When ordinary truly is extraordinary

Something about Saturday’s record-setting warmth caused me to write this, capturing a moment in time…

It was the kind of day when all seemed right in the world. When a kiss of sunshine awakened her from within.  A winter February day, when instead of cold and snow, sunshine and warmth of 82 degrees flooded both her world and her soul. 

The walk was warm, with no shade in the woods. The stark branches reached heavenward toward the limitless blue sky.  The creek beds ran dry, awaiting the spring rains to quench their banks and flow through their rocky beds.

Her youngest daughter, entering the world 14 years ago this day, brought her own kind of sweetness to the world. The daughter was a reminder to live in the moment, to enjoy the fleeting days of this lifetime. She was one of those souls who didn’t worry, didn’t stress, and like her dad, had a calmness about her that was one of their greatest strengths.

As her daughter walked behind her, chatting with a friend, she held tightly to the hand of the one who had held her heart for the past 26 years.  The conversation carefree, and at times even silent, as they simply had the joy of being together, on this trail, on this journey. Pausing from the busyness of days, to create this ordinary rhythm, that really in all reality was extraordinary, as he had reminded her on their walk the previous weekend.  And as she looked down at the grasp of their hands, her heart was in awe of the extraordinariness of it all.

Then as they walked, a text came, from her daughter behind her, “You guys look so cute” and a photo of the couple walking hand in hand.  It’s blurry, and if she was honest, she hates the weight she’d gained over the past several years.  And yet, the photo, was a gift from her daughter. A reminder that sometimes, the ordinary, even the imperfect, really is the most beautiful extraordinary there is. 

And her heart breathed up a prayer, both thanking God, and asking God to allow their daughters the beauty of their own extraordinary love one day. 

Refresh

I have a dozen and one open boxes pouring thoughts into my brain right now. A jumbled mess really, and I lay here trying to sort them all out, trying to reorganize the boxes, and I realize I have no idea what this blog post will actually be about.These words forming on the computer screen are my attempts at organizing it all.

These past few months, I have been a part of a leadership team planning the first women's conference at our church. And it was this weekend. It was a beautiful masterpiece, a work of art, all the women bringing their gifts to the table, in order to create an amazing experience for 75 women!  The theme was refresh - a place for women to take a break from the routine and refresh! And I've got to tell you, while it physically wore me out, and even more mentally as I attempted time and time again to step out of my comfort zone and create small talk, and develop friendships, and be in the moment.  For an introvert, these things are exhausting.  But I also know I don't want to do life alone...the journey is better shared.  But the truth? I came away refreshed.  Through volunteering and being able to bring my desire to encourage women, and implement things to make this happen -- it refreshed me -- it was purposeful/meaningful/life-giving to my soul. Refreshing for me was seeing other women be refreshed! 

I've met some incredibly talented women working on this retreat -- real, authentic, caring, creative...I could go on. And while it has taken over 7 years since we've moved...I've finally found a community, a place to belong, a place to love and be loved. A place where I can use my gifts to encourage others, as well as, be encouraged with the gifts of other women. God has given me the friendships I've been longing for, and this weekend, through the hugs of other women, I felt God reaching down and giving me a giant hug from heaven! (Oh the tears I've cried these past 7 years longing for this...makes the joy of these friendships even more special!)

Additionally, a week ago, the message on Sunday was called "dancing with the scars of rejection" - I didn't think the message would apply much to me, but God 'shouted' at me during this message - I realized how fully I had withdrawn from writing and serving since the rejection I faced a couple of summers ago when I was trying to get back into social work and submitting my work to publishers -- all the while being told I wasn't 'the one' - I wasn't quite 'good enough' -- and my heart broke that summer.  And this past week, God said it was time to let him rebuild this broken part of my heart into a new mosaic masterpiece - and I don't know what my writing will look like, or who I will share it with, but I know I will be writing again.  It's how I process this beautiful, confusing, amazing, sometimes upside down life! And I still refuse to believe my SW degree was wasted - I am on the look out again to see in what capacity I might use this degree I worked so hard for! And I can't stop thinking of the message, and I'm looking for ways to 'renew my mind' and dance with the scars of rejection once again, and grateful I get to do it alongside some of these amazing friends...

Everyday Life & The Moon

Mike has taken the girls to an all day boater safety class - which leaves me a glorious day to myself! :) Well this is my 2nd day, since I had yesterday off too. But yesterday I had to make 9 orders in my etsy shop and do laundry, and pay bills.  And today I'm spending a chunk of the day doing taxes. But still it's 'my day'! :) And I'm trying NOT to think about the fact the girls will actually be driving the boat this summer!! gulp.

Yesterday, Morgan was so excited when she came home from school -- she got all the info to choose her classes for HS next year!!  I enjoyed sitting on the couch with her for 45 minutes reviewing it all, listening to her dreams and desires about her future. I am still in denial that she is this old already, but doing my best to embrace it and enjoy the moments it holds. BTW, she's definitely interested in a science field right now and is super excited she gets to take two honors classes next year - she already had her teacher's signatures of approval! She is on the ball!

Sarah is turning 12 in 4 more days. She thinks it's funny to remind me. Because I make a big deal of it - 12?! 12! How is this possible? You can't be 12 yet! :) Seriously, she can't be! She recently finished the Harry Potter Series - she read all 6 books in like 6 weeks. She averaged 80 pages a day (I made her do the math - I think she may have rolled her eyes at me - but I like dorky facts like that!) And for her birthday she can think of nothing she wants.  She still has Christmas money she hasn't spent.  I love how she is just content, happy in the moment, happy with what she has. After two weeks of asking what she wants, she finally came in this morning and told me -- Mom, I finally know what I want, a new hairbrush!! She makes me think extra hard to find a great gift for her! :)

photo source: unknown

And lastly, I've been wanting to write about the moon, ever since it took my breath away earlier this week -- and several other times this week -- it's been beautiful! (And I can appreciate a full moon even more now that I'm no longer subbing! ;) )

I turned the corner, and I gasped, was that the moon rising over the tree tops? How could it possibly look so enormous? Did it really have a pink hue too it, as the equally breathtaking winter sunset was reflecting off it? I wanted to chase it down, I didn't want to go down the hill and watch it disappear.  After I finally emerged on the other side of the valley and the trees, it was still beautiful, but it had risen more, and there it was now - a brilliant white shinning down on this earth, reflecting light for all to see.

In that moment, I had this thought. The moon doesn't make it's own light. It simply relfects the sun's light.  As Christians, isn't this true for us? We don't make our own light, but the more we turn towards the Son, the more we are able to reflect His light (and love and hope) onto this earth. And I was reminded that is what I want, for others to see Him when they look at my life. That is my prayer. My #discovery for this week.

2013: A Look Back at My God Sized Dream

I began 2013 filled with excitement over being part of Holley Gerth's God Sized Dream Team (GSDT)! I had dreams (and still do!) that are deep in my heart!

But the reality is, this past year, this year of dreaming, has been met with a lot of rejection and a lot of dead ends.

• Not getting the job I really wanted which would have allowed me to inspire families and young moms. 
• My story not getting accepted to be part of a book. 
• My pursuit of three various avenues for making and publishing apps all ended with dead ends. 
• The volunteer opportunity I wanted to pursue not working out. 

And it would be easy for me to quit at this point and say, what's the point of dreaming? Nothing ever works out. (Sometimes I can be a bit pessimistic!)

But honestly, I'm still dreaming!

Because here's what I've discovered about dreams this past year -- they take me closer to the heart of God! Because in rejection, I am reminded that He has plans for me -- and this door is not working out because He has something better in store for me.

It's a quiet confidence that He loves me and wants the desires of my heart to become a reality. I'm not sure what that looks like, I can't see the big picture, but He can.

It's Faith -- it's knowing without seeing that the dreams in my heart will one day become reality. The dreams He placed in my heart, are for me, but they are also for others -- for others to also be drawn towards the heart of a father that loves them deeply.

So you see, anything that draws me (and others) closer to the heart of God is worth pursing...and is worth dreaming about!


Today I'm linking up with a new website: www.godsizeddreams.com -- if you are dreaming dreams, this is definitely the place you need to 'hang out' at during this coming year! You will be inspired and encouraged! I 'met' the women who are writing for this website from Holley's GSDT this past year and they are some of the most amazing encouragers I've ever met! They've given me the courage to once again believe and seek out real-life relationships.

...and to think I almost gave up on the church.

In 1996, when I was only 22 years old, tragedy so dark and deep shattered my heart into a million unrecognizable pieces. At my darkest hour, I cursed God, doubted his very existence, and at my best during those days, I questioned him - this God that I had always known, that I had put into my own box - suddenly was in question.  And going to church made me feel worse! Forgiveness, mercy, judgement - my heart needed a safe place to heal. And, sadly, I could NOT find that in most traditional churches. They too had put God 'in a box' defined by cliche phrases and lists of rules. I needed to find the real, true God elsewhere. At times, I wanted to give up on church, yet something inside me refused to! I had to keep searching.

Then enter, Woodcrest Chapel (1998) - a church in a 'blue polebarn' that made me skeptical to even enter.  But once inside, I found real people on a real journey who told me that God was big enough for my most difficult questions - I could ask him why - I could search - and guess what, my heart found healing. And I began to understand God's true heart towards me. I began to really understand grace and love and forgiveness.  And not just understand them, but live them, in my everydayness. It was His church that helped me get to this place.

Then three years ago (2008), we had to move, and I mourned that we would never find another church quite like Woodcrest.  We tried a dozen churches when we moved, and finally decided to call North Point Church home. I'd like to say we jumped right in, we've been as actively involved here as we were at Woodcrest. We have not, for many reasons that I will save for other discussions on another day. But it is where we choose to worship each week. It is where we tithe, because we believe that money provides resources to let God meet people on real journeys who are asking real questions. It is where we facilitate a small group in our home every other week because we believe that spiritual journeys are meant to be shared.  It's where our kids hear others reinforce life virtues that we are trying to teach them at home. It's where they look forward to going each week. It's where we laugh every week. And we're reminded of God's truth. of the cross. of the resurrection. of love. and grace. And then I get emails from the church (see below), of people, real people, responding to the message of Easter last week, and I can't help but think - "I'm so glad I never gave up on the church!" Because when the church is working...it is a breath of fresh air to individuals and the community. And when Easter services go from 2,064 people four years ago ('07) to almost 9,854 this year - well, God is breathing life into people and the community through North Point Church! And I'm glad that we are right here. right now.

Here's the email:

• We met a man who had never stepped foot onto a North Point campus. But he has been watching Pastor Tommy’s messages on TV. He saw Tommy talk about The Point during the Hungry series, so he came and got plugged into a group…having never been to a live weekend service :)
• Talked to a few couples whose first time at NPC was this past Easter weekend, and they loved it so much that they wanted to jump right in and start getting involved so they came out on Wednesday night [group connection event].
• Yet another couple, it was their first time in a church…ever…ANY church, this past Easter weekend. They were so excited for the atmosphere & attitudes they experienced that they wanted to get connected with other people.

Easter Weekend

Let's see, our weekend included...thunderstorms, egg coloring, thunderstorms, cookie baking, thunderstorms, bass pro egg hunt, thunderstorms, walk, thunderstorms, bike ride, thunderstorms, annual treasure hunt for Easter baskets, thunderstorms, Easter celebration at church, thunderstorms, impromptu concert in the basement, thunderstorms. Here are a few pictures. And a video of one of the girls songs (and I'm sure Mike's thankful I didn't chose the video of him dancing with them on the stage!). But really, the video is what Easter is all about...